A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 18 years old and I'm a college student now.I have a huge crush on my English teacher in secondary school.He's 20 years older than me.However, he's baby-faced and he's a real gentleman.When I was still in secondary school, we used to have prolonged eye contacts all the time and he started it.Is it illegal for me to have a relationship with him? Is it considered disgusting to like or date your former teacher?He's single by the way. Thank you very much.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 September 2012):
 Is this a rhetorical question or has he actually asked you out?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2012):
 not illegal
not disgusting
but probably not feasible either....
what makes you think that he's really interested that way?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): Its not illegal or disgusting, but awkward maybe for him, since he is a former teacher of yours, and he may not want to date you in return.
If he does, then there's no harm I guess.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 It isn't illegal aslong as you are or over the age of 18. However, there are rules and regulations around that sort of stuff to do with his Job. It all depends on what country you live in and really what past reccord he has, but sometimes there are certain rules with teaching that states you are acutally not aloud to be in touch or have any pysical relationships with former students, or students who for example left a certain time length ago. This wouldn't effect you or him legally but it could effect his Job and could even risk him losing it. As with the question of is it disgusting, everyone has there on opinions on things such as big age gaps. Alot of people can find it weird, and in all honesty i do think if maybe you used to have prolonged eye contact and you felt he liked you (it could of been or still be just a small crush you had) Then what on earth does that say about him acting like that towards someone who was under the legal age? I would be careful, and read up and think about this stuff, as i will admit getting with an ex teacher is a very risky move to make especially as there is such a large age gap, and you must understand that not everyone will agree if you decide to act upon it. This all could just be abit of a little crush that could just pass with time, however there are a large majority of young women who do prefer older men, you also must take into consideration that you are both at different stages in life, so you may find it harder to get on than you would with someone your age. would be careful however, as you need to be sure he is safe, and doesn't just like you because your young , and also make sure he doesn't have a habit of going for younger girls at any of the schools he has teached in. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): It's neither illegal (I would check up the laws of your country though) nor disgusting, although some may find the idea a bad one or disgusting based on the age difference and his previous position of power.
You're a grown woman able to make your own decisions and no longer under his guidance as a teacher so you can do what you like technically.
I will say though OP as a teacher I wouldn't do it. Maybe he doesn't care but it's not a habit I would ever allow myself to get into, dating past students of mine, boning kids I used to teach and who built a crush on me during that time, to me that would be abuse of my position regardless of the the technicalities because those feelings were developed while I had that power over the girl.
You still have a school girl crush on him, deny it all you want but that's where it came from and that's what it still is. Crushes like that are completely unreliable not only due to the fact that we're very different people when teaching than the person we are in our private lives but also due to the fact at 18 you're still not the woman you're going to be for the rest of your life and he'd be an idiot to take a chance on a girl whose life is still in the middle of the transition from youth to adult, 18 is may technically be an adult OP but trust me you're more of a teenager than an adult, I mean the difference between who you are now and who you'll be three years at 21 is very profound, trust me. It's our job to be professional, courteous gentlemen too that says nothing about our personalities outside of the workplace.
You're also only 18 OP and that matters in a lot of ways including the way I mentioned above.
The chances of having a public relationship are extremely low, you'll most likely be his dirty little secret. Now you may not think that's a bad thing but it is, you can't progress in a relationship without meeting family, friends, or his meeting your family or friends, going out for public dates etc. and believe it or not it doesn't really feel all that great being with someone who acts ashamed to be with you in public and while you can wait and hope all you want that's unlikely to change.
I mean can you imagine him going to party with you at a friends place? Or a college night out? Can you imagine him being comfortable with a 18 year old at a family barbecue or having some drinks with his friends in a pub? One of the most important things in any relationship is having a partner that your friends and family can get to know and vet. Very often our emotions are too clouded to see the real person and having friends get to know the person too can be a very important security blanket as they will step up and tell you he's an ass.
Not only would he have to worry about the stigma of age gaps but he'd also have to add the fact you're only barely out of his classes to that, a former student. One of the teachers I work with at the moment did that, he ended up boning one of his former students for a while, then dumped her under the premise that it just couldn't work because of the age etc. it was nice of him to test her out sexually beforehand though wasn't it? Even though he was old enough to know age would be an issue before she spread her legs. Well he has lost all the respect of the other teachers, on my first day there a group of the others told me about him and that he's not liked, he hasn't done anything illegal so he can't be fired but he's watched carefully, he's not allowed go on school trips, he's not allowed be involved in any activities where he can be alone with any of the girls and he has to be exceptionally careful about any kind of private tutoring he gives after hours because frankly they're just waiting for an excuse to get rid of him because he's shown he's perfectly willing and able to abuse his position by acting on his lust for young girls who have built an attraction to him.
The woman I replaced as a teacher there was actually hunted out of the school for the same thing, she's currently dating a 21 year old former pupil and when the parents, not just his parents found out they were furious and petitioned the school to have her removed, it was huge deal too, made the local papers and everything and she gets called all kinds of names just going to buy the paper in the local shop.
Maybe in OZ people don't care but here parents demand a complete disconnect between teacher and pupil and if they even get the hint that a teacher can cross that line then they will be up in arms to fight it.
It's not disgusting nor wrong to have a crush but honestly OP you'd be a fool to act on it. You're only barely out of school, this crush will fade fast and you'll meet guys in college who are more on your wavelength and will have far less problems dating. In a few months your crush will fade and you'll be fine.
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