A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Would a guy ever lie about his true feelings for a girl? I'm in all likelihood being foolishly hopeful, but it has been bugging me and I'd appreciate some input.For the first time, I told a guy that I liked him, a huge feat for someone as shy and reserved as me. Of course I told him by use of a note, but nonetheless... he avoided me like the black death until the weekend, the beginning of which he promptly sent me an email saying he doesn't feel the same, "has a lot on his plate" and doesn't want to involve himself in anything. He also said he'd known for "quite a while". The latter was the biggest shocker.If he knew, why did he act so friendly with me? Again, another thing he said in the message was that he was sorry if he came off as liking me. If. He did. He had to have known. Wouldn't it make sense to be a little less forward? Honestly.I was almost positive he was interested in me. He'd always look at me, we exchanged a lot of emails, and the one or two times we were caught alone, he acted kind of goofy. I never figured he'd make a move because I perceive he's not that kind of personNow, to make this next statement valid, you have to understand what kind of guy this is. He's quiet and private. He had self-esteem and weight problems a year or so ago. Is it possible he's just afraid of getting into a relationship with me, and lying for the sake of taking the easier and less-complicated route?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Your question is whether someone would lie about his true feelings for you. My answer to that question is yes. But, reading your message, I find this is not the real question you want to ask, and, therefore, the one above is not the right answer.
Sometimes we fall in love of good people who happen to be very friendly, outspoken, caring, very nice. To these people, their way of being is not an invitation to love; it's only their natural self. So, while they feel they are not suggesting they love anyone, their actions might be perceived as such. I think this is the case here. I think you fell in love with him, simply. And that was for his way of being. What he takes to be "natural", is very caring, in your view. You are not bad or wicked or silly. These are very good reasons to fall for someone.
I had the same problem you had, dear. The person keeps treating you nicely because a) that's their way, and b) they don't really know how to handle the situation. They understand you're not mean for falling in love, and they do care about you; but then, they don't know how to stay friends with you and, at the same time, manage to maintain the relationship as strictly that, at the same time avoiding any perception that they are leading you on.
Now, I have something to say about him: whatever his reasons, he did not do his best about managing the issue. If someone loves you and you don't, the only right way to deal with it is to speak in a clear and straightforward manner. Specially if you find out the person loves you but won't tell. It's always possible to note whether someone is shy, as you (and me) are; so, usually it's also possible to take action early. If he knew you were into him, and he didn't talk to you about it, well, he is to blame. He didn't do the right thing. And now, it's also not the right thing to simply break your heart. It was inconsiderate of him to say he "has a lot in his plate". I'm sorry if I don't understand this very well, as English is not my native tongue, but it seems to me that he means he has more women, and you're not exactly the best for him. If this is what he means, well, that is so wrong of him to say.
Now, what you need to do is simply let go of this guy. You won't have his love, no matter how hard you try. The right thing to do is to forget him. I suggest you stop e-mailing or seeing him, at least until you are over him.
Also, next time, try to make sure someone loves you before you say something. Being shy myself, I know it took a lot of courage for you to say you loved him; and this unfortunate event might make you feel unsure in future times. You're young, I take it you're pretty, and you'll find someone who will love you; don't let this get to your head. Just try to "double check" before you get hurt.
I think I can relate to your situation, from the bottom of my heart. You know we're around if you need any more help.
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