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Worried that I'm not meeting expectations and worried about having sex again. What to do?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am so worried that I don't enjoy sex because I'm too worried thinking about whether I'm living up to expectations or being good in bed.

I'm 21 and not a virgin but had very little sexual experience all with guys who used me and at the time me being to naïve to see this.

Now obviously I am a lot more concerned about potential boyfriends and their motives. After meeting a guy who I do genuinely like he does initiate sex but always states that we don't have to do anything if I don't want to.

I feel nervous about going the whole way, even though I'm not a virgin I can't help but feel my inexperience will become painfully obvious.

I'm a natural flirt and can become quite flirty unknowingly, a guy is going to think im confident within myself and be able to satisfy us both during sex when the reality couldn't be further from the truth. I don't scream and shout in bed and although I have encountered many positions I don't know if im doing them right!

I'm hoping someone has had a similar experience to myself and can offer me some advice on how to become more confident with sex. Do guys like confident girls in bed that seem to know what they are doing or at least participating.

The phrase 'missionary mary' is thrown around quite a lot within my age group referring to someone who lays there and doesn't engage in sex.

I wouldn't say I was one of those I am just not confident in my body placement and how to kind of move I guess...

Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014):

There is no right way to have sex. You have to experiment. Move your different body parts differently to see what feels good and what doesn't. Use your brain to imagine yourself as the star of the show. Be with someone you feel safe and loved by.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (23 February 2014):

My advice is don't be a missionary Mary. Effort and open mindedness go a long way towards having good sex.

I have no preference regarding a woman's experience, I just want enthusiasm!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014):

You said it yourself that guys use you for sex. I think that means you're good in bed. you'll know if you're not if your BF complains, or noticeably avoids sex. good luck x!

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