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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 38 yrs old and my husband is 42. We have been happily married for 15yrs and have always had an excellent sexual relationship. Recently, he has been too tired for sex, and he makes sex seem like a chore.A few times, he lost his erection during sexual intercourse, not regularly, but it happened a few days ago again. I am worried that he doesn't find me attractive anymore, or maybe he is having an affair or something ??? I told him recently, that we should work towards always keeping our sexual relationship exciting and as fun as before.Can someone please help me understand or help me see the light ????ThanksWorried
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): I really sympathise with you, I am going thru the same sort of thing at the moment but my husband is still at the "there is not a problem" stage when there clearly is. He will not sit down and discuss it with me, I think he is hoping it will go away and thus he is ignoring sex and any talk of it at the moment, I have been and still a little bit going thru the I am unattractive, he doesn't fancy me anymore syndrome, but he does still cuddle me and want a kiss, so he must still fancy me.I have read and done a lot of research an the subject of ED but maybe your husband is like mine in that he can get an erection but he loses it or semi loses it half way thru, then they get very anxious for the next time. See if he is willing to go to the doc's for a blood test for testosterone levels and they test for other things like diabetes, ask for lipids and prolactin also,sometimes problems like this are an early warning sign of heart problems to come later on in life so it really is important to get it checked out. Even if the tests come back and they look ok, like my hubby's did, they can still have Venous leak, where the blood leaks out of the penis causing it to go soft, and penis rings can help if this is the problem. He will probably want to ignore it, men take between 2 to 10 years to finally admit there is a problem, so go very carefully when trying to discuss it with him, don't be confrontational and certainly don't bring it up in the middle of an argument, and try not to discuss it in the bedroom. I am giving this advice to you in the hope that your husband is different to mine and will discuss it with you, mine has big problems in this and hates for me to bring it up, so we have gone for weeks without mentioning it or having sex, though the last time we did, he did ask to try the penis ring, which I had shown him that I had got it for him to enhance his experience (I didn't point out what it was really for, ie keeping the blood in the penis, I think he would have freaked at that) it took a few days for him to say that he thought it had helped, we haven't done it since, but they have to build up to it, I can see he is really concentrating hard on the job, and that takes away the enjoyment, I know what is wrong and I know that he needs to seek help from either a doctor or sex therapist but he won't budge at the moment. I am not giving up and will tactfully keep trying. It happens to a lot of men over the age of 40 and mine is 47 there is no need to be embarrassed and if he knows that you are supporting him and you let him know that this area of your marriage is very important to you hopefully he will want to seek help. It is a time for your love to be tested to the limits like mine has but I love him and even if things don't change I will stay with him because of that love. Hope you get it sorted and have a very good sex life into your old age.
A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT  +, writes (29 March 2007):
 Hi babes,
I am going through the same problem with my husband at the moment and it has been going on for a while now, like you at first I thought it could be me so I sat my husband down and said although I understood this must be hard for him as he felt less of a man I needed to know how I could help....
He opened up to me, he was very stressed with work etc...and with the added pressure of not being able to keep an erection added to this stress, he too was very tierd.
I told him how relieved I was as I thought it could be me, he told me he loved me and not to think silly things...
As time has gone on he has got a little better but he has learnt how to satisfy me, this was not easy but I told him I have my needs and because of the situation I did not want to pressure him but there were other ways he could please me....
This made him realise that he had not thought of me, in all of this, I told him I loved him no matter what and how caring he was to my needs so he really did not have to apologise to me as he had enough on his mind, although it is hard at times we are both much more content....
He has been to the doctors but they have told him its mainly stress related but you know what I married him for better or worse and no matter what life throws my way I know he loves me so much....
So what I am trying to say is please don't automatically think it is you or he is having an affair, do you really think he would risk having an affair and this happen in the middle of sexual intercourse, NO I don't think so...
Be patient and understanding this is his man hood and will dent his pride if you don't show your caring side....
Good luck babes
Let me know how you get on
xxx
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (29 March 2007):
 Could it be that hes suffering from genuine erection problems and the problem isnt you ? Isnt it funny how we all jump to the same conclusion when something like this happens, hes cheating, he doesnt fancy me... have faith in your man you say yourself you have been together 15 years happily. If it is erection problems, hes probably embarrased by this hence the reason he doesnt seem to want sex and when he does hes worried he will lose his erection thus making him seem not bothered ?Given his age, it could be stress, blood pressure, diabetes, prostrate, the list is endless for reasons why he is having erection problems. Maybe have a chat with him, this is very very sensitive to a guy indeed and no matter how close you are, its his ego at stake here and he may not want to draw more attention to it in the hope that it goes away on its on. In some cases it does just correct itself, most men will suffer at some point in their life with erection probs. Have a chat and see where you end up, hes not likely to admit to a problem straight off, what man would... they can end up feeling less of a man if they are infact suffering in this area, so maybe read up on it yourself and see if you cant tackle it that way, especially if it could be his health at risk and this is causing it. But do talk to your husband, show some support and dont write him off as the bad guy. If it is erectile problems your gonna have to tackle it with extreme caution.This is a website that I would recommend and you can always get leaflets from your doctors and health clincics.http://www.manmatters.co.uk/Take care and I hope it all works out well for you.x x
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