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anonymous
writes: I'm consulting you about something that happened last year and the more I think about what happened the more I worry. I'm 35 and have been married for nearly 5 years. Some friends (during a girls night out) suggested we go to see some male strippers. Anyway, it all got arranged and we went along to the event. This group of strippers was rather pushy. They also appeared to have an additional "member" filming alot of the show. I ended up onstage doing some things I am not at all proud of (as did many other women) but they were so persistent and pushy in requesting that we do certain things to them (or namely their penises) that it was hard to keep saying no. When these intimate moments occured they were holding towels up so the crowd couldn't see what was going on but this other guy was filming everything - including my "turn." In a way it was a real turn on but I admit I was rather drunk and got caught up in the atmosphere. I still can't really believe what I did. I have since heard that this group film these goings on and put the films on the internet (without our consent it seems). If this is the case I am really worried that my husband will find out what went on. Surely they couldn't get away with doing this sort of thing could they?
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male
reader, Death Valley  +, writes (22 June 2008):
It seems you're more worried about being caught and embarrassed rather than you did something to harm your marriage. Kinda shallow, don't you think? Many people use the alcohol as an excuse to do what they wanted to do anyway. Sounds like your friends of girls night out are not much for friends really. Your self honesty leaves something to be desired. I suspect sooner or later your marriage will crash too, maybe not from this but from something.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2005): You didn't say whether your husband knew where you were that night- i think it matters because most people have heard about what goes on at those events, so did he know & was he fine about it? I'm not saying that it serves him right if he was, i'm just trying to think of what you can say if/when he does find out- surely there must have been other people who knew you there too? I don't know where you are but over here in Teesside people are mostly gobshites, that would soon get around i mean. Good luck anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2005): I have to say that i disagree that it is unlikely that this footage will find its way onto yhe internet- I believe that it is almost sure to be available for download somewher, there is a great deal of interest now in 'ordinary' women acting as sluts at these events & if they are actually openly filming it means thay they intend to use that film & that means on the internet.
Either it will be available somewher for downloading by anybody at all or else on a site where a password is required to access the files but either way it will almost certainly be available somewhere- there are many, many sites specialising now in precisely this kind of thing, don't kid yourself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2005): Well i'm sorry to say this mrs annonymous but you could hardly complain to anybody if those scenes of you doing 'certain things' as you put it do turn up on the internet, can you? I mean you were clearly fully conscious at the time & apparently even aware that it was being filmed so what kind of idiot are you to go ahead and commit adultery in front of a large crowd of people & potentially the whole world?
And for what? You're someones wife for christs sake, you must have no respect at at all for your husband to do what you,ve done & the sooner the poor bloke finds out what his so called wife is really like and the stuff she has done behind his back (but nobody elses!) then the sooner he may be given the chance to either forgive you himself or else get rid of you & hopefully find a genuine and honest woman to love. I just hope there are no children who would be mentally tortured if the other kids in the area ever find out what their mum does to total strangers. ('Pushy' or not!).
My sympathy is for your husband, you've abused him & i hope you will somehow find the courage to own up to it & at least try to put it right. You owe him that, surely.
, i do believe that there's a fair chance this will come back one day, one way or another, you must know that its essential to have already sorted it out with him by then don't you?If you do then i hope he will accept it & you can both put it behind you for ever. Good luck to you both.
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A reader, Mr P, writes (10 March 2005): There could well be video or picture evidence of your night out and this is how I know. My girlfriend of almost 3 years has been truly honest to me apart from one time. I gave her friends a lift home after a night out and as they were criticising a girls actions for chasing men, my girl made the comment about how she isn't as bad. I questioned what she meant and she told me later. She said one night before I met her she went to see strippers and performed with one of them, quite brazen about it too. As she saw I was not impressed she changed her story to sound as though she had been taken advantage of in a drunken state. She was told at the end of the night that the whole evening was filmed. The stories didn't add up and it played on my mind. I searched the net and found what I was looking for. All you need is to use the correct terminology, think about how the evening might be described by others.It was obvious looking at the evidence she wanted to do what she did and is ashamed of how she acted. She has explained why and I have accepted her explanation. But I said if she had come clean in the first place any hassle we had over this issue would have been averted.Be brave and good luck
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 January 2005):
 Hi there,Well, technically, it's easy enough to do, and, as long as they don't name you on the site or try to use the film for extortion purposes, I think the answer is Yes. The bigger question is, Would they? Once something is one the Web it becomes more or less Public Domain (which is what I realise that you're worried about), but if the strippers involved aren't getting personal recognition for the acts being performed, would it be worth their effort? Let's face it, there's lots more hard-core stuff around, video that stars recognisable faces, than a bit of rudie-nudie at an anonymous girls' night.It's possible that it might crop up somewhere, but the chances of someone who knows you seeing it, is about as small as Googling a random entry in the dictionary, going to the first page on the list and finding a photo there of an old school friend. Pretty small.Explain your concerns to your husband, let him know that you drank a bit too much and did some things that you're not proud of. Tell him exactly what you did, and that somebody was taping the whole shenanigans, and let him know you're not ever going to get that drunk again.There isn't much you can do about what happened, but you can "innoculate" you husband against the surprise factor. In the end, it's a vanishingly small chance that the film will be loaded onto a site somewhere, then forwarded to someone who knows you, so try to put it out of your mind... and resolve to drink cranberry-and-soda at the next Girls' Night Out.
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