A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am concerned about a situation my best friend seems to be getting herself into. There are Three people in this situation: - My Best friend: Who is 17, in 6th form and has a crush on this teacher.- The Teacher: He is in his mid 30’s (but still thinks he is in his early 20s), acts all cool, all his friends are young (most in their 20s but some younger) and he goes out most nights partying. He also has a MySpace account and talks to students on there. (You may think this is bad already but this is just the start).- Me: The one who knows everything about the situation but cannot tell a word! … Basically a long story cut short… As my Best friend has a crush on this teacher she obviously started talking to him on MySpace. Since talking on MySpace he has given her his personal email, mobile number and they talk to each other over MSN (This has happened over a period of time… since last year summer). Recently they have both admitted they like each other and the teacher says he wants to be with my friend and would do anything to be with her… even if that means losing his job! He is SO obsessed with her and texts her ALL the time… even during school time and keeps saying how much he loves her!! Now as I’m her best friend I have known everything ever since they started talking on MySpace… I have told her how wrong this is and how she should stop before something bad happens but she sees nothing wrong with what is happening… so ignores me!I don’t know what to do? I mean what would a 30 odd year old see in a 17 year old girl anyway?? I cannot tell or talk to anyone about this but then if I don’t what if something bad happens to her, I would feel so bad… but if I do tell someone and he gets fired.. I will be hated and will lose my most bestest friend in the world!!HELP!… I’m worried about her! :(
View related questions:
best friend, crush, msn, myspace, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): This guy shouldn't be shouldn't be in any sort of romantic relationship with a pupil, it is illegal for a start. A teacher Saying "I love you" to a pupil, for crying out loud is just beyond belief!
However I can see that your friend will be flattered by the attention, girls can find it difficult to refuse men in power, hence the "abuse of trust" law to protect children under the age of 18.
If this guy is really as keen as he claims, why doesn't she ask him to stop the "romantic communication" until she leaves school? In doing that, he can at least get on the right side of the law. Does she realise that by responding to his attentions she is helping him break the law? How will she feel if he loses his job over this? Both of them seem to have been drawn into the pit of forbidden love, and the liklihood is that people will get hurt. Her parents for starters, not too mention her reputation.
Whilist I'm sure some teachers do marry ex-pupils, I do think it's some time after she has left the school, when the power side of the relationship has had time to die down and the girl has had a chance to live life beyond school and get a chance to know the teacher but not as a teacher.
In short, they have got off on the wrong track and if they are serious about each other and want to give it a chance to work they should jump off for the moment and WAIT!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Rhythmandblues2: Of course I sounded like I want to do something because I cannot just sit around and pretend that everything is ok when its not and if he users or hurts her I will feel responsible because I knew about the situation and did nothing!
I think I will just keep being there for her as I have been doing but when he psychically starts touching her I will have to do something…
Thanks xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): I understand how you feel that you may be betraying your friend by talking to her parents, and that is something you will have to weigh for yourself, but you could be preventing your friend from being used by this teacher, especially if they become sexually involved, which is where this is going....you could simply tell her mother if you think she would talk to you about it, that you are concerned because her daughter is getting too involved with one of her teachers and maybe she ought to check the girl's e-mail account by putting on a software program that will send her e-mail account a copy of her daughters e-mails, the mother could tell the daughter that she wants to do this because she knows she is on the internet in mySpace and is concerned about predators...did you know that young girls have been sexually molested by posting too much information about themselves on that site? Predators can quickly figure out what school she attends and even her address...by doing a little research.
The reason this is better in my mind than reporting him to the school, is that you are not the one who he is doing this too, and you have no real proof except what you know to be true, and you may be ignored or worse brought to the attention of this teacher and that is not in your best interest in my mind...it is really the responsibility of her guardians, her parents to confront the problem head on, and they will get much better results if they do this with the school than you will...It is really your only option if you want to try and put a stop to it as it sounds like your friend is not listening to you....but it is your decision, you could just let her go ahead and make a big mistake and get hurt or devestated by how this is all going to turn out for her....it isn't you responsibility to do anything, but you sounded like you wanted to know something that you could do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): *The Question Writer*
Hey thanks for all your replies, much appreciated!!!
Babygirl: I will always stay by her side and try get her through this situation but it’s really hard and hard to concentrate on my own life when she continually tells me what is going on between them! I think he probably has does this before as there have always been rumors going around school about him doing it with students and that’s he is a pervert, etc ... my friend did ask about these rumors but of course he denied them.
CD: Ok lots of 17 year old girls might go out with men in their 30s and even 40s but he is a TEACHER, someone that is meant to be Trusted around young adults not someone who finds a student fit so decided to try it on with them, just because she can easily be led on, its just sick and I cannot make her see sense.
Rhythmandblues2- I totally agree with you, he is lying to her! I really could not show these emails to her parents though, I feel that doing that is worse than tell my school about the situation as I know her parents very well. My friend has a laptop so her parents have no control over her computer use. I guess if her parents accidentally found the emails then that could be ok but how would I do this?
Thanks again!!! xxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): Hi, I understand your concern and you are being a great friend to care about this.
This teacher is flat out lying to her, if he loses his job to be with her, he will never work as a teacher again, I seriously doubt he is willing to lose his job. He is stating this to earn her silence.
I think if you wanted to do so you could see if you could print some of the e-mails between them, and show them to her parents. Why don't her parents have any control over her computer use, she is a minor and they ought to be more tuned in....ask that her parents keep your confidence and they will, what steps they want to take are then up to the family, if the guy gets fired over this, that is not your fault, that is his doing, not you or your girlfriend. It would not be unusual for her parents to find some of the e-mails on their own and confront their daughter.
He is really not fit to be a teacher of teenagers, he should know his boundaries and respect them and his students.
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (28 January 2007):
 Can you try appealing to your friend's moral side? Point out that if anyone finds out about the relationship then the guy will be fired and that maybe she should put it on hold until she's finished school. The thing is that it's actually illegal while he is in a position of trust for him to have a relationship with her and maybe pricking her conscience will make her see sense. Apart from that though there's not much you can do. Lots of 17 year olds go out with men in their thirties and even forties.
CD
...............................
|
