A
male
age
41-50,
*teph99
writes:I have been cross dressing for many years and it was more of a recreational bit of fun until a couple of years ago. I stopped doing it for ages but when my long term relationship broke down due to my girlfriend being unfaithful I couldn't resist starting again especially now I'm single... I like dressing and acting feminine but recently have started going on to chat rooms and have been sexting lots of men and enjoy making them happy. I really like the thought of them enjoying pics of me en femme and even bought a sex toy to help my fantasies with them ... I never thought of myself as gay but now I'm not sure if I am or if I may be transgender!I am very shy around women and feel inadequate and this cross dressing and cyber sex is taking over my life. I am from a very conservative background so being gay or transgender will be a disaster for me... I am struggling to find my true self but would appreciate your thoughts on what options are open to me. Hoping you can help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): You made be just who you are mean't to be. Kiss your friend and see what happens.
A
male
reader, Steph99 +, writes (28 July 2017):
Steph99 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me. I now know I need help getting me to wear I want to be ... Feelings are getting stronger and it's not unhealthy keeping them in. I'll be happy once I find my true self thanks again x
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A
male
reader, Steph99 +, writes (28 July 2017):
Steph99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. These answers are really helpful and hel make up my mind that I need some counselling ... This has been great
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): I meant to say:
"Come to terms with who you are over time. There's no rush. Just because you like to wear women's clothes doesn't mean you're automatically homosexual."
I was typing in a hurry, and not watching my spelling. Sorry!
If I may, let me add that when you're dressed as a female; you want authenticity. In order to feel like a woman, you have to attract and interact sensually with men. It may only be experimentation. You only know for sure how you feel, when you are able to have sex with a man and enjoy it.
Bromances happen all the time, but they are strictly born out of being impressed or having an admiration for something in another guy. Having a really close brotherly-bond and tight-nit camaraderie. Not wanting to jump his bones or grab his wiener. That's so definitely gay!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): Were you emotionally and sexually-attracted to your girlfriend? How active was your love-life? Hot, luke-warm, tepid, or cold? "Cold" meaning you made every excuse to avoid sex!
I'm gay. I lost my virginity to an older female, and went on to have sex with other girls thereafter. I was physically attracted to boys in my head; but I had sex with girls, and I can actually say I liked it. I just couldn't emotionally connect with girls. One summer, I met this gorgeous boy on the beach while on a family-vacation. We became pen-pals, stayed friends; and eventually, he and I became lovers and domestic-partners.
I am undeniably gay; because once I fell in-love, it was with a man. It has been with men ever-since; and currently, I'm with a wonderful guy. Apart from my beloved parents, no one has ever taught me so much about life. He has introduced me to so many exciting things. We can argue and disagree; but we always come-around. I'm better at compromising and diplomacy. He aims to please. After we work it out, things are back to normal in no time. We're mature and experienced, that's our advantage. We're different, but compatible. We're not opposites, we synchronize. We're a "good match." No such thing as a perfect match. There's no perfect anything.
The relationship I had with my previous partner lasted 28 years. They are entirely different men, but the one thing they share in-common is me. I love them both to the end of this earth. My previous love died of cancer. That was how that ended. This one is going strong. I still get fascinated when I see a pretty shapely or curvy lady. I don't want to have sex with her. I still have a habit of staring at boobs or nice lady-butts. I'm sure I'm not bisexual; but I really love ladies. I have never been in-love with a woman. The one constant in all of this is, I've always been attracted to men. It didn't just come over me, I wasn't recruited or molested; and I didn't catch some kind of virus. It's my nature.
If in your earlier years, you were attracted to men but suppressed the feelings. It is likely you were conditioned to do what boys are supposed to do. As was I. The tinglings and arousal I had around attractive-guys was always there. I was able to easily control it. Even served in the military, and attended an all-male military academy. You go numb after you've seen a number of penises, and you assimilate. I served my country proudly and respectfully.
If you find yourself emotionally-drawn and sexually-attracted to both men and women; you may be bisexual. You may prefer one over the other. Some can carry on long-term relationships with either gender; and be totally satisfied. The degree of attraction is not exactly equal, that's a myth. For a bi-sexual sex-addict, anything goes. They'll take whatever they can get.
First you have to come-out to yourself. You're afraid of having a label attached. Due to our conditioning, accepting the label makes us feel "marked." Come to terms with you are over time. There's no rush. Just because you like to wear women's close doesn't mean you're automatically homosexual.
That too is a myth. Not all cross-dressers want a sex-change, and not all transvestites are gay. You'll learn as you go.
If you come from a very macho traditional Italian background with hairy brothers and patriarchal father/grandfather. Yes, it would be a disaster; because you have broken the line of tradition. Accepted or not accepted, you are who you are.
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A
male
reader, Steph99 +, writes (27 July 2017):
Steph99 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Billy ... I appreciate you taking the time and it's certainly something I need to look into. I wish I could just be me :)
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 You need to see a therapist - preferably a gender therapist.
Your behaviour will only enable your feelings in unhealthy ways. You need to make sense of them and you can't seem to do that by yourself.
There is nothing wrong with being gay or transgender, but you need to find out what you are.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (26 July 2017):
You may be trans you may be bi or you may have a cross dressing fetus now. What yo need to do is Find a counselor who specializes in sexual issues. Not to cure you but to help you discover who you are and how to make peace with yourself.
You say that being trans or gay would be a disaster for you. Living a lie your entire life would be a tragedy.
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