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anonymous
writes: I'm worried about my marriage. I have been with my husband for four years, married for three,and we have two kids, my daughter aged nine from a previous relationship, and our son, aged two.Sometimes, but not often, my husband is ok, but most often he is foul tempered and always yelling and shouting. This worries me as I don't want my kids growing up in this atmosphere. He will never take me anywhere nice or show any interest in my suggestions to go out as a family. He threatens to leave me constantly as I don't do enough housework (I have two jobs as well) or I ask him to maybe help a bit but he will make a fuss. He threatens to leave about once a a week and its got to the point where I say, well, go then. He never does, though.I think things may have run their course and I don't want to admit it. I so want our marriage to work but we went to Relate once and he just said he couldn't be bothered to keep going there.I'm scared to split. I love him but he says I don't cause of 'the way I behave' but he won't tell me anything specific when I ask how I could make it better for him.We sleep seperately now as well cause he snores and keeps me up but he wont get help.I have no relatives and only one friend as I am so busy with work I don't tend to get close to people, so I am pretty alone. Generally,I like it this way, but I know I would find life really hard alone as a lone parent as the kids are incredibly demanding. We live in the middle of nowhere and he is the only driver.I'm also scared I'd lose my home and have to live on a horrible estate with my kids. I love this house but if we split up I could not work much. My wages are pathetic compared to my husband's.I would feel like I was ruining the kids lives too, to not have just kept quiet and put up with it, causing all the upheaval seems so selfish.I'm utterly confused. I don't think we are going in the same direction and I would not want to still be in this situation at thirty. I'm only 26.I do find other guys attractive now, he can be so bad tempered and says such horrible stuff to me that I can't help but wonder if someone might treat me better.He says it's me, but how can I tell?What can I do about my situation?
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reader, star3482 +, writes (9 May 2005):
he's a bully and he knows he has all these reasons why you can leave him to hold over your head. why dont you keep seeing him but start dating other guys? then when you find one you like, dump your husband and get with the new guy. i know you say it would upset your kids, but they know when you're not happy and if you leave him you will be teaching your kids that its not acceptable for men to treat women like that and they will respect you for it when they're older.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2005): Hi there. I am sorry to say this so bluntly but I think that you need to really resolve this once and for good. You said it yourself that the children don`t need to grow up in an atmosphere like this. Your husband doesn`t seem to be very interested in salvaging the relationship for your sakes or the childrens' and threatens to leave all the time. You can do one of two things: try to get him to see that there is a problem and get help for it or if he won`t leave then make him or leave the situation for your own sake but most importantly for the sake of the children. They are being emotionally bombarded with all this and it could well end up messing them up to such a degree in the future that they will end up in the same relationships as you have.I hope this helps you and be strong. There is a verse : God grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference. Take care.
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