A
male
 ,
*p2000
writes:Hey,I recently posted a question which was named 'I'm a gay teen, have met another guy 16 on the interweb but feel so down because we're not together!' when I was anonymous, but since I have signed up, and I'd like to say a few more things, because I found this site really useful for talking about it (you'd understand more if you read it first - its listed under: gay, long-distance and teen).Two nights ago we actually told eachother properly 'I love you' it was a special moment and it showed we'd reached a certain high in our relationship. Anyway, on monday he went away, and wont be back until friday, so on monday (yesterday) I was very, very sad...at school I didnt say much, and in the night i cried a lot, Ive sent him lots of emails and thankfully today he replied. Thisis the first time ive been in love and he means more to me than you could ever know. His emails are so deep and personal so that I really feel he feels for me as strongly as i do for him.We talk often now about meeting up...but theres a few things I need to ask for help for about it:When I meet people who ive never spoken to in the flesh before im quite shy...when i go n stay wit him i'll be staying with him and his step-mum, what if im too shy to talk much in the vital first few hours n he gos off me?When Im there its very likely we'll have sex - were both sttrongly attracted to eachother, this'll be my first time - im a bit anxious about it.I cant tell my mum im staying with my bf cos she dont know im gay, im just saying im staying with an old friend - is this bad?Thats all i can think of right now lol, thanks to anyone who reads and answers all this!from tom xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): How do you think your Mum would react? Only tell her when you think you are ready. I am gay and in my 20s and when my Mum found out I was gay the thing that most upset and annoyed her was that I hadn't told her. You probably know fairly well how your Mum would react if you told her you were gay.
I think it is okay for you to tell your Mum you're staying with a friend - but perhaps "old friend" is starting to stetch things considering you've not yet met in person.
Perhaps you have already met him by now however if not remember that you don't have to have sex the first night you meet. You can just kiss and cuddle, or just have oral sex. You may prefer to save anal sex, if that if of interest, for another time when the two of you are on your own and not in the same house as his step-mum.
I am exactly the same as you in that I am very shy and quiet when I first meet people. It probably won't apply when you meet him as you have already talked to him a lot so in effect he isn't a stranger. I thought I'd be the same after talking to people on gay dating sites however when I met them I always found I was fine as I basically already knew them.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 Hi Tom,
When you're meeting someone for the first time, whom you've only previously known online, it's a strange feeling.
On the one hand, it's tremendously exciting to see them -- in 3D, as it were -- but on the other, it can be nerve-wracking because there's no 'brb' if you run out of things to say. So I'd suggest that you take things really slow with each other and keep your expectations light. Plan on talking with each other, and on going out somewhere (a movie, to the park, a local festival, a coffee shop) so that there are background sounds and activities. It will go a long way towards avoiding the dreaded silences, believe me.
I know that you feel like you want to jump in and get amourous straightaway, but remember that if you don't have a lot to say to him when you're actually meeting, then you'll have even *less* to say after you've had sex with him! Save yourself a bit; don't feel you 'have to', just because you're attracted to each other. There's quite a lot of satisfaction in making it something you've waited for, especially when it's your first time.
I agree with Malyce_Synn that you need to let your mum into your life on this. Parents aren't blind and stupid. She probably already suspects more than you think and knowing about your sexuality (regardless of her personal point of view) will never diminish her desire to protect you from harm, so please consider coming out to her. (Whether or not you tell her that you think you've found a relationship should probably depend on her response to your coming out, and whether this works out with your online guy.)
I hope that your guy is also out to his family. Otherwise, it could be awkward, two guys trying to hide their affection for each other in the family home... That's just a thought.
Remember, if you do have sex that it should always be with condoms. Just get in the habit now, and you'll never have to learn it later. I'd suggest going to the chemist and getting some now, to avoid putting it off. And don't worry, arriving with a box of condoms in your overnight bag doesn't make you look cheap or anything... it makes you look smart and prepared.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): I think hiding the truth from your Mother is understandable but not the best thing to do. You will decide in your own time when you will involve your Mother in your life. She would want to know. Her love for you is strong and she shouldn't be caught up in what others will think as I say, Srew 'em.
I think telling him about your fears would be a good way to go about the first time. Informing him you are shy so he doesn't misinterpret your shyness as disinterest.
Tell him you are nervous. I think he will understand and he might feel the same way.
Talk.
I don't necessarily agree with you life choice but it is your decision and I respect that.
I just want you to be happy.
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