A
female
age
36-40,
*eedeebeme
writes:My existence here in this country depends on my ex. I don't know why I say he is my ex as we still live together. He was supposed to move out once he had the money. Since I've been working (3 months) I've been paying all the bills myself so he can save. But being an alcoholic all his extra cash is going to the drink. We were flooded a few weeks ago so I found a new place. My plan is to move out and find my own place once I feel my babies are alright. In order to work I need him to take care of our 2 children when they finish daycare and in the afternoons/night at the weekend. It makes more sense to make his home their main home as I work nights. I wouldn't have a problem with this arrangement if he wasn't an alcoholic. For the most part he is a great caring loving father and the kids adore him most of the time. But there are times when I feel he is short tempered with them and neglects their needs at times because he is too blind. My 3yr old daughter told me 'my daddy isn't a very nice person when he's drinking.' I think I need to leave my job to care for my children as I feel their father isn't fit and I don't want my babies to grow up to hate him. The bottom line is if I can't work I can't stay here and will have to go back to my own country. I really don't want to take my children away from him but I think I have too for the sake of their well being.
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female
reader, Deedeebeme +, writes (30 January 2011):
Deedeebeme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You all for your responses. I do know exactly what I have to do, I think I just needed some reassurance. My mother told me that my relationship is history repeating itself. My father was an alcoholic. Mum left him when we were about my children's age. I had a happy childhood and enjoyed the times I did spend with my dad. I never remember him drinking. I blamed my mother for the reason I didn't see my dad all the time but now I look back and realise she was doing what was best for her and her children.
A
female
reader, layla26  +, writes (30 January 2011):
you said it your self dont live them is verry hard but is esey to jest tell hem to mouve out is not hard you think in your mind is hard is not,sametimes you have to bee the bad guy,but in a long run he migth saiy thank you,is not hard,hes adiction wont do good to you or the kids and is not you falt,or your choice is hes dont make life harder for you is hes choice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): If your little daughter is already aware that 'daddy isn't nice' when he drinks, now is the time to make sure they are not alone with him when he is drinking. They may come to no harm physically, but emtionally it is not good for them. The children of alcholics suffer just as much as their partners, but in different ways. You need to let your partner know that he HAS to stay sober when he is alone with them, for the children's sake, and as a caring Dad he should take notice. If he realises his children already sense a change in his behaviour when drinking, it may make him take steps to, at least, not drink at times when he has sole care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): You really have answered the question yourself " I really don't want to take my children away from him but I think I have to for the sake of their well being."And quite rightly so. How can children grow up feeling secure in themselves with solid foundations if one of the parents is an alcoholic, and on your own omission, is not nice to his children when in a state of inebriation.To have a 3yro comment of her fathers treatment of her, is quite alarming, at 3? You don't say what country you come from, or how you even got together with this man, as most alcoholics don't just wake up one day, and become one, and as your children are so young, I'm, presuming he was already an alcoholic when you met. You turned a blind eye, went ahead and married. Never marry anyone with problems already of this nature, they don't vanish with the ring being put on your finger.As I have no idea what the system is in Australia for single parent mothers, I cannot advise in a way I would like. But I'm sure as you have use of a computer if you check online for 'support for single mothers or parents' providing you're not in the country illegally I can't see why you would have to return to your own country. But as you don't give much background info on your situation, you will probably be more aware of the consequences facing you.I really hope you make a break from this man, as it's no way for children to be brought up. And never depend on a man to support you either financially or otherwise, if you do, and they're like your husband, you end up living a life of insecurity through believing they will change. It is better to have less money, even struggle a bit, but offer your children stability, love, guidance, and how to be strong and confident individuals. You can do that, so good luck!
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