A
female
age
30-35,
*ivyloo
writes:Hey guys, I went on here for my own problem once and have never been happier and all my problems were solved. Since then...Iv even become a little agony aunt for my group of girls..but one im really worried about.Ill tell her story, no real names used or whatever but I've tried and tried to get through to her and don't know what else i can do...its a long story though sorry!...So basically we all started uni this year (sept) and thats how as girls we all met up and are really close. within 2 weeks Laura had met this guy during a block party. that night was a little messy, she came in crying and said he had her up against the wall. She was drunk and we all assumed he had tried it on. So obv. we took badly to him, the guy roomies we have got protective and that was that.Later..what was really weird was she saw him again and again??!! and then explained that she was drunk, thought he was being rough..but was actually *misunderstood passion*...??? she then ended up getting with him, and as we all wanted her happy we tried to forget what happened the night they met. It was hard for the other girls to forget, but laura had told me she hated how we didn't like him so I tried to, and he seemed quite charming! flirty..but some guys are like that.I think it was about a month 1/2 later when laura started saying he would never tell her whats wrong..had secrets..and it sounded to me the best parts of the relationship was sex. In fact sex came straight away with those 2.To cut this shorter, after making laura feel small...talking about his long lost love nikki (his ex) constantly saying she was so much better than her, laura thinks shes ugly, inadequate and after lacking in trust found hia phone with dirty txt messages to girls and txts planning to meet with nikki.So now they are broken up. He rings laura alot, and since laura doesn't want to loose him as a friend, she always ends up going down. Shes pressured or charmed into having sex with him only to regret it when he tells her to leave straight after. He basically uses her as a sex toy and she can't stand being 2nd best to his ex girlfriend which is killing her. She says shes over him..but its obv that shes not in one way or another. Hes trying to get back with his ex while messing round with laura saying how much he still loves her. LYER. He gets her when shes drunk after a night out with us while we are all asleep.Shes not stupid. She knows whats hes doing. At first she thought she could use him like he used her for sex but i think its made her worse. Im going to show your answers to her hoping that strangers words would get through to her like they did with me. She can't let go of the fact he used her. She feels the ex is much better than her...she feels ugly, stupid and well...shes in a rut.Any wisdom for her?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, forever friend +, writes (28 February 2010):
 the guy is just plain bad for her, toxic putting her down like that, the best thing is encourage her to get out and socialise with you and her friends and forget bout him huni, more u cant do for her, also be careful about upsetting her with bad words about him even tho u only mean well cuz unfortunatly that will probably make her want to protect him and even feel more for him in a way cuz she odviously still has feelings for him, i have it sometimes my buddies mean well and say to me forget bout him hes a jerk or harsher names and i feel like saying, "yeah i know ya mean well, but unfortunatly hes not all bad" anyway hope ur friend sees the light and u help her thru it, ur a great friend for making such an effort im sure u will succeed, all the best
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