A
female
age
30-35,
*shley Rae
writes:OK So I am going to keep this as short as I can. I have been hanging out with my first love, we will call him Alan he is one of my closest friends, and my boyfriend hates it. I told him to deal with it because Alan was here first. He got a little mad and it seemed to die off. He told me that he understands that we are friends but he worries about me cheating. He knows that Im not like that but he knows that I am a spur of the moment kinda girl. I loved Alan for 9 years, and after a while it turned into a brotherly love and I dont want to be his girlfriend or anything further than what I am right now. He understands and we went on doing things like we normally do. That lasted for about a year and then something changed. He told me that he realised that I loved him for all those years and he was sorry for not ever letting him and I try. I told him not to worry about it and then we kept on going like we were. He moved away, but we kept in close contact with emails everyday or so, and I got together with my boyfriend and now he is back for a visit and keeps flirting with me and hitting on me. It kills me that I am starting to love him like i did again and I love my boyfriend very much. Alan has a girlfriend and is planning to propose. I helped him pick out a ring for her, so why the sudden fall in heart. 4 years ago I would have done anything to be with him, I changed to the way he saw me because I saw it as a broken wish, and he changed to the way that I wanted it to be. I have spent the last week and a half with him from dawn until dusk. I know that I wouldnt cheat, but if my feelings keep changing for him I worry that I will fall out of love with my boyfriend and fall face first for my best friend. He goes back home in a few weeks but this is changing and its changing FAST!! Any advice would be appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): If you're like me. You will never really forget your first love. You will get over it, you'll move on yes, but you'll never forget them.
I missed a second chance with my first love, and I have moved on, I've been with tons of other people since my first love, but every now and then, when I go to bed I put my head to the pillow and it's like having a thousand voices from the past present and future all screaming at me about what should have been, what I should have done, what I should have said, what I will do and say, and what went wrong. I run thousands of scenarios through my head all night and get no sleep. It's rare but it does haunt me and I would do anything to go back in time and change entire periods of my life.
I think everybody regrets missed oportunities, but the greatest and most painfull oportunities to miss are those that involve your first loves.
Life is about risks and challenges, if you aren't willing to throw yourself to the wind and toss all the control you've worked so hard to gain over your life away you will never truly be able to live, and you will miss too many oportunities to ever be able to sleep at night without regrets.
This question, in my mind, comes down to this:
Are you willing to take a risk? are you willing to gamble what you have now, in the name of something that could possibly be better?
Life is a perpetual gamble, if you don't take part you'll miss out. So, figure out what you want, and forge a plan to make it yours, even if your chances of getting what you want only has a 1% chance of success, it's better to take that 1% chance and run at it head on in the name of persuing what you want, over being like everybody else and settling and accepting things you might not really want or feel are the best things for you.
I know this might not help in the regular sense. You asked a question, and I haven't told you who to choose or how to choose them, and I do apologise for that, but really the only person who can make those choices is you, and I feel all I can show you to help you make these choices are some of my personal thoughts on first loves, life, and taking risks to get what you want or need to be truly happy.
Hopefully others will contribute, and I'm sure plenty will tell you to take the safer option of sticking with your boyfriend, and hopefully when it comes down to it, you'll ignore everything that's said here, even what I've said, and just do whatever you think will make you happy.
Good luck.
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