A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I wonder if anyone can help me.I'm very recently married but work very closely (daily) with another man and have done for a couple of years.Over the last year, my feeling towards him have spiralled out of control and he's mostly all I think about.I know he likes me too as we've had jokey discussions about it but he's also married.I love my husband very much and never want to be without him but it's at the point where I'm considering handing my notice in. Ideally I don't want to do this as I like my job and will progress there but I have to work a lot with this other man and it's driving me crazy.Please give me some constructive advice!!Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): I can empathise with your situation. I am currently in a similar one, although I'm not married. I work closely with a married man every day and we spend more time alone together than he and his wife. The development of feelings between work colleagues in this kind of working environment is difficult to avoid. (see my problem posted yesterday - "Help, I told my boss I like him when I was drunk... and now I'm dreading work on Monday!")
However, I think this is infatuation, not love.. don't confuse the two. You say you love your husband very much. Surely if this was the case, you wouldn't even entertain the idea. You certainly wouldn't have your thoughts filled by another man.
There will always be temptation around you at various times in your marriage. The intensity of your working relationship makes this temptation more difficult to avoid admittedly. You sound like me, lacking in self-control. Is there something missing in your relationship with your husband that this man provides?
It's a very difficult one and I hope that everything works out without anyone getting hurt.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (22 April 2007):
 I dont think quitting your job is going to work, that just seems like the easy way out to me.
You need to show a bit of self restraint in all this and look what you already have, rather than look what you could of won.
You got married for a reason, has that been forgotten so quickly? Surely things are'nt that bad this early on in the relationship/marriage?
You need to put all your efforts into your marriage and forget about this collegue at work, because that is going to end up with someone getting hurt and im sure you dont want that.
I am sure you love your husband so show him why you are with him, put the effort you know have into the marriage to give you and him the happiness you want. Dont let this ruin things, get hold of the situation now and make things work.
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A
female
reader, susank  +, writes (22 April 2007):
Don't do it! It sounds tempting, the unknown always is. What is going on with you marriage that you are allowing this man to make you feel this way? Ask yourself that first. There is no turning back and things get very complicated. I know I took the plunge, now seperated and he wants to stop seeing me. It is so confusing. I wish it had never happened. I have always been surrounded by men and never was attracted to any until I had marital problems. Adress that first. You are making yourself crazy he isn't doing that to you. Stay in your job rise above the feelings and put them in percepective. Is it your marriage, your self esteem? What is really going on?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (22 April 2007):
 I'd like to think you should get a new job but I'm not sure you will be able to control your actions in the future.
The only problem is this, you can't tell your husband why you're quitting and you can't control who'll you'll meet in the future. The only thing you can try to control is yourself. Have you kissed this guy yet? I'd bet my last dollars, everyone in the workplace already suspects something. THAT in itself is very disrespectful to your husband.
You MUST decide that you will act in a mature manner and distance yourself from this guy. Realistically, what does he have to offer you? The problem here is that you've let this fantasy turn into a reality because while you've been spending time nurturing your mental affair, you've been robbing your young relationship of what it needs to flourish.
As you know, you're on a slippery slope and the "I can't help myself" way of thinking won't work.
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