A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So me and my ex are working on getting back together, but i told him that we are not going to have sex until i see a definate change in him, in terms of me see that he really wants to be in a committed relationship with me he agreed, do u guys think tht was to much to ask for!!PS: everytime he comes over to my place he keeps asking me for sex, and i tell him no i have to see a change first and then he stops asking ( being a little pissed) but getting over it after a few minutes!When we started dating we did not have sex until 2 months into our relationship!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): And just so you know I don't have high hopes for getting back together with my ex because there are things about him that I am afraid he won't be able to change that have to do with how he is controlling of the relationship.
So you keep saying that you won't have sex until you see a change in him...so I am not sure which changes you are referring too, if it is just that he can committ to you, then that is one thing, but if it is that he did some other relationship stuff or had some baggage he needed to take care of, I wouldn't even be considering it if he can't already prove some of those changes have taken place....just so you know.
Try to remember that you two broke up for a reason, it is those reasons that have to be mended before you can even consider giving it another try.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): I am going through something similar with my ex and I am not giving him any sex. I am not giving him the ultimatum of he has to be committed to me, but I am not going to get intimate with him until I can see that he truly does want to be with me and not just keep the sexual part of our past relationship.
Frankly, I have been hurt even though I broke up with him, he was treating me badly and I felt I had no choice because I wasn't going to continue living like that and I had tried everything I could to work it out with him to no avail.
My ex has made some huge changes in his life since we broke up and resolved some issues that were causing us a lot of stress, sometimes relationships don't work because one of you just has too much baggage. So I think now we could have a better chance at making it work, that said my trust has been broken and my feelings are still hurt and I am guarded.
I don't think it would be fair to myself to have sex with him when I am feeling this way. I still love and care for him, that hasn't changed, but a lot of damage was done and I don't want to go through it again just to not resolve the reasons why we broke up.
So, no I don't think you are asking too much of him, he has agreed to stop pressuring you for sex and my ex has done as well. If I thought I had to have sex with him in order to keep him around, well then that just wouldn't be right either. I am hoping that this will resolve itself one way or another and I am willing to remain open minded about it all and see how things play out.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I'm usually against withholding of sex to get one's way, but I will say considering that you are currently not together and not in a relationship then there is no right to sex to begin with.. Of course, I am not saying that you have to say yes to sex in any relationship, but you shouldn't say no just to get your way on something..But if you have to give him this ultimatimum, he is not worth even considering to get back together. You are better off looking elsewhere.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Absolutely nothing wrong with that. You have every right to set the rules that you're comfortable with!
Commitment is important! If he can't swing it, then there's no law that says he should be able to "schwing it"!
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