A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In 2006 towards the end of the year my partner, whilst we were both living together at University, became accidentally pregnant. At first I was overjoyed but she wanted an abortion. After time I persuaded her that we should keep the baby and in January 2007 we got married. In May of the same year we both graduated and in June our son was born. We had some relationship problems back then but nothing compared to what it is like now. I started working as an estate agent on a very low wage, the debts my wife had mounted on credit cards whilst at Uni and life was tough because of the extended hours I had to work. Eventually I secured another job as a maths teacher where the pay was higher and the hours were shorter.I always felt at this point she resented having a baby and was more interested in her career. In October, 5 months before her maternity pay finished, she started a new job and our son went into nursery full time.I have been finding life very hard ever since and very unhappy with it and now even harder since recently we started looking to buy a house are about to sign contracts on a 4 bedroom semi-detached house in a village.For me this seems far too extravagent and more than we can afford but my wife wouldn't settled for anything less.Now it has come to signing the contracts I don't know if I can. Money aside I feel that our lives are miserable whilst we are both working. We argue every day, live separate lives where we are just an inconvenience to each other and quite often are on the brink of breaking up but I don't hate my wife and she doesn't hate me, I just blame the situation we are in. I also feel she thinks that buying a house will make things better. I am also concerned for our son because being at nursery all the time I don't feel he is getting the best upbringing and I don't have any input in how he is brought up. On one hand back when she was pregnant I always envisaged for me to work and provide the best life I can for my family whilst my wife is in charge of home and children in a traditional manner call me old fashioned. (I'm not at all sexist and don't expect her to do anything I wouldn't. I am extremely house proud, cook, clean and look after our son, getting up in the night, and getting him dressed in the morning etc... We do this in equal measure at the moment.)On the other hand I feel that if we did commit to just myself working then my wife wouldn't be committed to looking after our son and she would be miserable. I have also considered staying at home myself to look after our son but I don't feel that would work because she would want full control over making decisions on the house and looking after our son. Also my wife has very bad spending habits and can't keep to a budget unless I keep tight control of money. Last week I told her I didn't want to sign the contracts for the house because I didn't feel it was right but she and her parents persuaded me to change my mind. Now I have to do it tomorrow I don't know what to do. But it more comes down to how unhappy I am with our lives at the moment, I worried if we carry on like this we will end up getting divorced and I'm really not sure what to do. HELP!
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abortion, debt, divorce, money, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I think it would be a mistake to go deeper into a committment that you are not sure about - you have to put everything on hold and wait till you are sure you are doing the right thing before you committ to such a deeply binding and potentially emotionally damaging situation if you are not happy.
A
female
reader, amyblue  +, writes (31 March 2008):
Can I give you some difficult advice? Several years ago my life sounded a lot like your wife's (only we didnt have a child). I was married but more or less career focused (I was an "up and comer") who didnt find any joy in tending house but had this childhood dream of owning one (even though my husband did most of the cleaning in our old apartment.)
After many things transpired between us I (along with family and friends) "convinced" him to buy the house. I really felt that this was another step toward our dream life together but after about a year I realized that we were right back where we were - having the same arguments and problems (I too like to spend a lot of money, work hard play hard mentality I'm trying to work on this) only now we were saddled with a gigantic mortgage that ensured we would not be able to manage if either one of us got sick or lost or jobs or if I got pregnant.
Dont paint yourself into a corner, the house wont make her happier or solve all of her problems. I hate to tell you this but I think she is just disatisfied with life so she is trying to fill it with things, this didnt work for me and it wont work for her and she will just be more resentful at being tethered down.
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A
female
reader, thebethany  +, writes (31 March 2008):
if you dont want to sign the contract DONT
its your life too
if she is angry at you let her be
part of a relationship is listening to what your partner wants not getting your paretns to bully them into signing for a house they dont want
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I am sorry, I sent the comment before I realized I had not added the link. Doc
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20010108/article_04.htm
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (31 March 2008):
It does sound like you are in a bit of turmoil here.
I could speak volumes on this situation.
However, it is probably easier to give you a link to an article to read. There are also several articles to the left you can click on which should provide help.
Please don't be offended, the website is religious in nature but the information is completely unbiased and it does site the scriptures where the comments are from in the bible.
Please take a look at them. I am sure they will help. Doc
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