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female
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anonymous
writes: I care for my boyfriend a lot, but I think there a lack of communication and it does not seem to flow so easy, which find hard to believe because were been with each a quite a while: 7 months now. I talk to him mostly every day, but online I guess it is because we meet on line. I never really talk to him on the phone, and I think the only time we did was when I called. I don’t know. What I am finding even harder is that I am starting to like someone as well, and meet him to as well online, but don’t talk online but on the phone he calls me or I him and we seem to talk for hours, which new for me. I don’t know. I think I have a stronger connection with him and seem at ease, not that I am saying I am not with my boyfriend, but I want to work on it. How can I improve the communication level between me and my boyfriend? Because I also think if there were no television and movies to distract us we would surely have nothing to talk about. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (16 April 2006):
I always advocate open communication as a route to intimacy.
Say to your boyfriend "I feel I'd like to communicate more with you, as I don't feel close to you".
Say, "I would like to sit and have dinner with you, without the TV on, and talk about things we really care about"
Say " I wish we talked more on the phone - why do you think we don't?"
Ask, "How do you feel about this relationship? Is it what you want? If not, how would you like it to be different?"
If you get nowhere, then dump him.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Ask yourself if this relationship is right for you, you seem to need more from him than he is giving and you seem to be starting to get more from the new bloke you talk to so what does that tell you.
It tells me that you have already started to loose interest in your current bloke and your making a move towards new bloke who seems to tick more boxes.
Dont forget to do the right thing and finish with current bloke before moving onto new one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2006): Why don't you try arranging specific outings where you can both discuss what your ideas about it are, instead of choosing to go to the cinema or staying home to watch tv - As he would tend to be more involved in the activity than the people surrounding him, i.e you.You could try and find a new hobby that you both enjoy - it would give you a starter for your conversation and as you get to know eachother more, things will ease up and he should hopefully be more comfortable talking to you. Good luck x x
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Do you ever talk to your bf about your day? Tell him what he did or ask what he did? What interests do you both have? Specific band? Reading? Books? Sports? Do you ever talk about 'big' things like future plans, dreams?
All those are things you could talk about. In general I would say try and ask 'open' questions, ones that require more than a 'yes' or 'no' answer. In theory the conversation should then start to flow. Hopefully he will start to do the same with you. Hope that helps.
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