A
male
age
30-35,
*sychoticNotCrazy
writes:I first met her at my high school. I was in the 11th grade and she was a grade below. She had just transferred to my school.She was single,I was in a long distance relationship with my present girlfriend.We met up alot because she was friends with a girl in her class who i had been close to for years and treated like a kid sister. Most times they were together so meeting her was inevitable.We soon got to be pretty good friends. One day while having a conversation our relationships came up. We explained our current status and from then on our attraction to each other became obvious but nothing came of it.My relationship soon broke down. My girlfriend and i split up with no hard feelings. I had been after her for two years with no success because her bestfriends of each year liked me and she said she couldn't betray them.So i was single again.The 1st school term came to an end and we switched numbers to keep up over the break. She was living in another country at the time. When we got back the next term we picked up where we left off. I don't know when it happened but sometime in the term she got in a relationship with a senior who was a friend and an indirect relative of mine. I didnt know they were dating and didnt find out for a long time.She on the other hand knew i had split up with my girlfriend.Time went by and the attraction between us continued to grow. Sometime, in wanting to know if she felt the same about me, i asked her what the chances of us having a future were. She wouldnt answer directly but from the way it came out i guess she thought we had a fair shot.One day we were talking and things got a little tense and we kissed for a couple seconds and then she stood up and left abruptly. Later that day she wrote me a note telling me i shouldnt have kissed her cause she was now so into me. It went forward from there. We didnt pretend nothing happened between us. Eventually she explained how she was in a relationship and thats why she wouldnt give me straight answers when i brought 'us' up, but that didnt stop me. I liked her too much to stop.Her boyfriend, my distant relative, soon found out about us and called me on it. I tried to play it out as if there was nothing between us but he didnt buy it because people had seen us kiss and told him.So they broke up and we got together. We had a good relationship on all levels. She was everything I wanted in a girl. Speaking for myself it was near perfect. I would see her often, we would chill together, her friend, my 'little sister' would come me when she was having problems and was feeling pretty strange, but that was also even before we got together, and whatever i was doing at the time would be forgotten so i could be with her.A few weeks before the end of the year she told me she was leaving for another school but still in the same city. I was devastated. On her last day at school we spent a long time together before she had to leave. We didnt break up.All holiday we talked by phone since she was still living in another country.Finally the next year, 2008, came and we started out in two different boarding schools. I would call her on most nights just to stay in touch. For airtime i sold a pair of brand new basketball sneakers, just so i could stay in touch with her.A few of my friends and my nephew had also transferred to the same school. Down the term i got a couple of tips that she was cheating on me with a friend who had been a senior at my school the previous year. He had been dating her friend for a while. I asked her and she denied it so i took her word for it.The tips continued, some saying that he would go over to school to see her but i took it that he was there to see his girlfriend. Things went on like that for sometime. One night over midterm around 1am i got a call from one of my friends at the same school who told me she was drunk at a club and was together with him. It hurt so much i couldnt take it so i sent her a text telling her it was over between us. She called me later to explain saying she did it to help out a friend getting back at someone and that she was sorry and still wanted us to be together but i was too far gone in anger to even listen to her. For a while we didnt speak. But after sometime we started to talk again and that she had cheated always came up and i would drop out on her after making her cry.Eventually we got past it by not discussing it. A month after we broke up, my ex from before and i got back together till now.I still cant get this girl out of my head. The only girl I LOVED with all my heart but she doesnt seem interested. Much as i love the girl im with, its my ex i find myself thinking about. I think and feel i want her back regardless of our past. But i cant give up my girl either. If therer was a chance i could get her back i think i would without hesitating.Maybe its my head, maybe its my heart.I dont know what to do. Need advice on what to do and if im to get her back, HOW??S.O.S
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broke up, drunk, got back together, long distance, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): you know, its possible to love 2 persons. The only thing with your ex was, you were never fully assured that you had her heart considering that she didn't seem too faithful to you. You know, they say you want what you can't have. But this other girl, you know what your score is and may subconsciously be taking her for granted.
Anyway, decide who you really want then stick with her. Don't keep two people at the same time. You will only hurt them both. I believe, it is wise also to consider who loves you more coz this person will love you back. Don't choose the one whom you think will only hurt you in the future.
A
male
reader, PsychoticNotCrazy +, writes (5 June 2009):
PsychoticNotCrazy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks alot for the response. I understand where you are coming from. Let me clarify something that i didnt make clear earlier.The girl im dating now i had the roughest time ever getting together with her. Like i mentioned it took me 2 years before we started dating because two of her bestfriends from two consecutive years liked me so that made dating her difficult. Please make no mistake i truly love her but in the case of my ex i still LOVE her with all my heart. I know it isnt fair to think i can love 2 girls at once.The reason our relationship is currently long distance is because her family relocated to another country. And at the time we began dating for the first time was just when i found out she was leaving. But i couldnt let her go just like that. And during one conversation she admitted she didnt love me in the beginning and it took a while to grow on her.The first time we split up was because she felt we werent being realistic and may never see each other again. But she emailed me in March to tell me she missed me and would be coming back in june last year. She neglected to tell me she wouldnt be staying. I only found out 2 weeks before she was leaving. We almost split up then but we decided to see how things would turn out. Again, we almost split because im starting university in a few months that will take me the other side of the world from where she is going which is another country altogether.So you see im not using her, least of all intentionally.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): you are not being fair to this girl currently in your life. you are just using her and will hurt her tremendously if you don't end it NOW. you yourself know about betrayal , pain and love, so why subjet this girl to all that when you know you do not love her. plse do the right thing and let this girl go. then try to focus on you and this great love of your life. if you are meant to be together then all will pan out. if not, then at least you tried and know that you gave it your all and it wasn't meant to be. plse do not be a coward and a selfish man by just using your prsent gf while you concoct a plan to get with your other gf. it is not right and plse do the right thing here.
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