A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am 23 yrs old. I am currently with my babys mama. I have lost the love that I had for her, and I feel obligated to stay n the relationship becuz we have a 2yr old daughter together. Idk wat to do?? I feel like I'm wasting my time with not bein happy, and I met another woman and we have both fallen n love with each other. True love!!! And I need advice plz. I want to leave and b with the woman who makes me happy and I love with all of my heart. She is so perfect and idk wat to do???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Hi, I am 24 and married, my husband cheated on me and I have stayed in the relationship because I want the best for our son but that is not always the right thing to do. You need to be positive that you no longer love your baby's mama before you do anything. You do not have to be with her to be a good father. You are also not married which makes the sistuation a little better. But, do not stay in a relationship that you are not fully committed too. Cheathing only makes it worse. Resolve your relationship with your babys mama before starting a new one. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You need to take a step back now and be careful with your own heart. Being in a relationship out of obligation can be fulfilling enough, but you are perfectly capable of being a great father even though you are not in a relationship with the baby mama. But in order to get what you want, you need to figure out what it is that you want first. Very concretely. Because right now you might think all you want is this other woman. But the truth is you also want to be a part of your daughters life. You want to do what is best for your daughter as well.
In order to get everything you want you need to be patient. There is also a good rule called "never start a new relationship before you have ended the first one". That rule applies here too. You are still with the baby mama, and you have emotionally cheated. I don't know if you have gotten physical with this other woman, but of you have then you have cheated and made her into your mistress. Which is a very bad foundation for a relationship.
What you want is true love. If this woman truly loves you, she will wait for you until you are ready to be with her. So do not jump into a relationship with her, it is bad for you and will only bring bad things with it.
First off I advice you to take some time off from both these women. Clear your head. Make it obvious to your partner that the relationship isn't making you happy, and that you need time to think. Then take a break or possibly break up. A break could do you good, gives you time to plan and think about how to proceed.
Following a break-up, you need to give it at least 2-3 months before you go into an official relationship with your new girlfriend. This out of respect to your former partner. Also, changing things too rapidly could really hurt your daughter, and she could become distant from you. I don't think you should introduce your new girlfriend to your daughter until things have calmed down.
Also, if you want a good relationship with the new woman, you shouldn't jump right into a relationship with her unofficially either. You need to get to know each other as two single people before you date. You need time to process and get over the mother of your baby. You might think you are over her already, but you might still grieve over the loss of the relationship. So give yourself time to get over it and heal. If not then you will only bring troubles into a new relationship, and things will go downhill very fast.
So take it slow.
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