A
female
age
30-35,
*ost and very confused
writes:Hi - I met my boyfriend 2 and a half years ago during the first week of university and we've been together since. He's one of the kindest people I've ever met and is also funny ect. Honestly he makes me so happy and loves me completely, which I always feel so grateful for.This makes it so difficult that I've developed a crush on one of his friends over the last 3 months, (let's call him James). I'm never going to act on anything as I couldn't do that to my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve that at all and if it ever got to the point that I did seriously want to make a move I would break up with my boyfriend and still not ever make a move on James because their friendship is important and I couldn't do that to them.So, basically how do I cope with a silly crush? I'm having trouble working out if this is just a reaction to the fact that we have been together a while and is a natural part of the relationship cycle, or is it a sign that despite everything being as near perfect as it can get in a real relationship I'm not happy? I'm so confused and don't want to ruin something that is really special to me, please help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 December 2015):
 Its' not really uncommon to get crushes throughout your life, EVEN when you are with someone super special and someone long term. It doesn't mean yo are no longer happy with your partner, just that you also notice other men. Pretty primal if you ask me. But as primal as it is, doesn't mean you HAVE to act on it, and you seem to understand that perfectly.
YOU (general you) do not go blind, deaf and dumb to attractive people because you are dating, engaged or married to someone. But it does come down to your own ethics and morals. Like Denizen said, look but not touching. So have boundaries.
OK this friend is attractive (looks and/or personality) and you have internally acknowledged that - so what to do about it? NOT a thing, other then maybe spend more time with your BF and less around "James" without arousing suspicion. Refocus some of that "crush energy" into your BF and relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2015): your boyfriends best mate is comfortable enough around you to be all the things you think are good in a man but he is not this person enough in real life to be the correct boyfriend for you.he is in fact basking under your boyfriends beach umbrella on account of being his friend but his friendly wonderful flirtatiousnous would be enough for your bf to give him the marching orders if he knew he could compromise or jeopardise his highly valued relationship with you.Your bf is serious about you and not just funny or sweet.He wouldnt be happy to know that his friend is effectively getting in the way so you need more time together alone and less friend time with his bf around.If there were more available female friends around then this bloke wouldnt be latching onto you and your bfs trust wouldnt be so compromised.Start planning holidays for just you and the bf and spend more couple time without this person around or you stand to lose everything you value.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 December 2015):
 I once knew a Cypriot waiter who used tosay: 'I look but I don't touch'. Many people get the 'hots' for individuals outside the relationship they are in. It's what you do about it that matters.
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