A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,There is of course so much more depth to this and so much that we have done and tried, but i will keep this as to the point as I can. My partner and i have been together for two years, living together for 6. He has some health issues that sometimes impact on our relationship, in that he gets so tired and feels really flat, that he struggles to get by day to day, let alone be part of a relationship. We are doing our best to support each other and work through the struggles, that have been part of our relationship very early on.We recently went through another rough patch for him and although we managed well, he had to work extra hard to put effort in to us, which only adds pressure and stress to him and his health. During these down patches, we can last for weeks, he sometimes says he'd prefer to be alone and also that at times like that he doesn't know if he wants to (or can be) in a relationship - whilst recognising that that is hard for me and on me. My question is - we have the opportunity to spend some time apart for a few weeks, with me house-sitting for friends that are away. I was thinking of suggesting this to him as a way of seeing how we go when we're apart. That maybe that's what we both need to truly know where we're at with us and also for our future.What do you think? Would this hinder, rather than help? It can't hurt though, can it?If you think it would help, then should we make some days no contact? Maybe get some time apart completely - clear our minds? Your thoughts and suggestions would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi!
Thank you both for your open and honest answers. We are all in pretty tough positions, but I guess who isn't when it comes to r/ships. They are hard... especially when they are raw and real and lasting and loving all at the same time!
I will take into mind both of your comments and suggestions... but agree, some time apart may be less harmful than I fear.
All the VERY best to both of you, for happy and beautiful relationships, in whatever shape, form, joy, pain, love, or laughter they may come in.
x
A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 Its always harder when your in a relationship with someone who has health problems that cause out of the normal things.
I know this first hand because my girlfriend has a long term illness, from which she may or may not recover.
I think when a couple truly love each other then it only strenghtens the relationship if they spend time apart. My girlfriend pushed me away twice because she knew it was hurting me by her being ill, but I always stood by her, stayed friends and gave her the space she needed.
After a couple of weeks apart, we both missed each other so much we ended up getting back together, each time we get together our relationship is stronger. She has now accepted I am serious about her so doesnt push me away now.
Being apart will give you time to recharge yourself. You can still keep in occasional contact but dont over do it.
I think it could be benificial to you, he will probably be questioning it but if he truly loves you he will understand.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 I am experiencing the exact same thing. My boyfriend is stressed out. He had been going to the doctor ever since I met him and was suspecting multiple sclerosis, now herniated disc, and athritis. All of which could be psychosomatic in nature, contributing to chronic fatigue syndrome. I told him, he should ask the doctor if a surgery is required, or should he wait until things get worse? Everytime I had to pull answers from him his response was that the doctor was busy and would only treat emergency cases. That was frustrating because when patients got to see the doctor it's already too late. He said, F the doctor I will go to an herbalist! At other times he just denied the pain. In November he got the swine flu, in January his brother died. I felt being left alone and would think all kinds of things like: Is he tired of me? Is he depressed? Was he talking to some other girl?
Then whenever I am lucky enough to catch him on the phone he sounds like his usual self again, like nothing happened in between the gap. Men don't like to talk about their illness. I did tell him he had to give himself a time limit, as I don't want to see him only once a week for the rest of my life. Living day by day is a horrible thing to go through. He tries to separate work stress from a chronic illness, but I tell him his body is a whole, he can't treat one part and ignore the other parts of his body.
We all know that there are healthier, younger guys out there but I am beginning to think that work place illness has become an epidemic. It could happen to anybody. We have to be patient but at the same time urge our guys to seek help when they got too comfortable with sleeping extra hours in the day.
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