A
female
age
,
*aryB
writes:If a man leaves a long-term relationship in which he was also engaged to marry this person for someone else and quickly becomes engaged to this other person what are the chances the new relationship will survive?My ex left me after 7 yrs. together basically, because he thinks that this other woman would be the answer to the problems in our relationship. He was never one to openly talk about his feeling to me or work at resolving our problems. He always blamed me for his unhappiness and at one point in the beginning of our breakup I played right into it. I blamed myself for him leaving but, now I know different. It wasn't about me, it was all about him.They have now been together for 8 mths. and rumor has it via his family and friends that things are not good with them. Apparently, he is not as happy as he intended everyone to think. His hastiness to become engaged to her was a way to make sure he had his hooks in her. He moved very quickly with me also, in the very beginning of our relationship. He was just out of a 14 yr. marriage when we met so I'm sure that he has a fear of being alone which fuels his hastiness. He entered that relationship under false pretenses- one being she had no clue about me, he never has shown her his true self as I'm quite sure would be unacceptable to her although, his true self I'm sure is starting to rear its ugly head, he has txt me on a few occasions by just saying hi which I have ignored (I have not spoken to him since finding out about her) and on several occasions has been seen driving by my house which I can only conclude is to see what I am up to or if I have moved on with someone else. Within the 8 mths. they have been together they have also, split up for over a wk. that I know of.I'm not asking this because I have a desire to be with him again as what he did devestated me and I have slowly moved on from ever hoping to be with him again. I guess what I am hoping for here is that he will somehow regret what he did to me as there was never any closure-he basically blindsided me when he left me. In a small way I also, need to know that it truely was not because of my doings in this relationship- in my mind I feel I accepted a lot of crap from him and still loved him regardless and for him to claim he was not happy with me still really bothers me. Your insights would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I guarantee you that their relationship will not last. Rebounds like that rarely ever do. It's fine if he comes out of a long marriage and settles down with you and eventually proposes, but it's another to come out of a long engagement and run to a woman who he claims "fixes his problems" that he had with you. It's also not promising that he proposed to her so quickly. You said he probably did it to trap her...Well, she'll figure that out and get out of it, especially if she's already realizing that she's not happy with him. Women do this to men all the time through pregnancies, and it just doesn't seem to cut it. If a person's not happy, they're not staying. Period.
I'm interested to know why you want him back after all the pain he's caused you? Have you tried dating anyone since your split? Have you tried to find a happier, healthier relationship? Because if not, I feel you may be focusing too much on his relationship with her, rather than trying to build a new relationship for yourself. That doesn't seem fair. I would try and free yourself from talking about him through relatives/friends, and kudos to you for not responding to his texts. That's a dangerous trap to fall in... Just focus on making yourself happy rather than him being miserable with this new woman. It doesn't sound like he's worth it.
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