A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been divorced for 10 years and have had an off and on relationship with a woman for the past 5 years. The first time we split up, I think , after 2 years. I feel that we moved in together too fast and it created problems for us both. The second time we split up and she moved out, upon my asking her to. I guess the stubborness in both of us eventually led to that, plus i still had kids living at home. It seemed like we could never resolve any problems between us because neither of us would back down first.Recently, 4 months after we split up, she started to contact me. Sent me text messages and stopped by my work, just to say hello.Then she suggested we have a drink together on several ocasions, which I did. Next she sends me a text, suggesting we sleep together, but are just "friends" , which we did a several ocasions. On one of those ocasions she told me she loved me.On her last visit she tells me that she started to see another guy and if it works out she will have to stop doing things together. She tells me when they do stuff together.I don`t feel she is sleeping with him, I think I know her well enough to assume that. Obviously we both still have strong feeling for each other or neither one of us would have started this back up. I thought I was over her as I had no contact with her until she started the text messages. Is she just using me? Or is she trying to make this a competition?If she wanted to find someone else, why initate contact with me? There has to be an attraction by both of us to have our paths cross so many different times. I have to wonder what type of a game is she playing with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): I think you've got some difficulty realising that she's dangling you on a string.
Honestly mate, I can't offer you any more advice than I've already done!
Just imagine if you did get back with her - she'd probably still be going back and forth between you and this other bloke because she simply can't make her mind up which way she wants to go. It probably does her ego a world of good to have two blokes after her body.
Like I said before - let the other bloke have her - and all the hassle that goes with her!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this might sound crazy. But I can`t get this woman out of my mind. We have talked and she changes her mind daily. She tells me one day that she wanst to try with this new guy and then next she is calling me and texting me. She tells me she loves me one day and the next she she says she could not go back because I asked her to leave. How do I try to get her back? She won`t answer the phone or text or make any plans on the day she see the new guy which tells me that she hasn`t told him about me but I know about him? Do I just walk away? I`m really confused and would like to start over with her if I can. I know I can`t tell her how to feel but she is sending me mixed feelings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): You're a wise man! I'd more than likely do exactly the same. No commitment, no aggro, no expense (unless she pays for the occasional pub lunch and you get the beers in!) no emotional blackmail and definitely no divorce costs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUncle Phil..... After the events of the past few days and rereading your posts, you`re original posts if the best advice for me. There is another guy but I`m assuming I`m the second choice incase the first one doesn`t work out. . I`ll just take the sex when it comes my way and otherwise stay away. Thanks for all your help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me update this situation. I just get off the phone with her and she is on her way to my place to spend the night and tells me that if she and her new other guy get any further along we will have to stop getting together. Am I missing something here? If they are getting that close, why is she still comunicating and spending time with me? Any ladies out there give me any insite into this thinking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): That's a very good idea. Certainly, don't rush into anything which will be difficult to extricate yourself from in about 3 months time!
Good luck mate. You might need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst, Id like to thank you for your responses. Talking things like this over, even if is through postings does help think things through than just stweing it over in one`s mind. Most of my friends are married and have been for years so they can`t relate to these sort of problems.You brought up some good questins I will have to take the time to think them through.Changes will have to be made. I`m pretty sure I can, but not so sure she can. Maybe keep things as they are to see what happens next?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): 'What if' is a bloody big question! I suppose it all depends on whether you both really want to give it another go, accepting the fact that you'll both have to change your attitude to each other and stop the fighting. Could you do that? Could she? How badly do you both want this? Only you and she know the answer to that, but I wish you luck if you decide to give it one more try!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again. I thought that too. But it`s been a little more than that. She has been calling me to talk about things at work and at school. She went back to school , nights, this past week to pursue her nursing degree. We always could talk to each other. I turned 50 this year and she just did a few weeks ago. We both look a lot younger than our ages, we both like to take care of ourselves through excercise and diet. I understand completely what you are saying. I thought that myself completely after she moved out. But what if.....?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): She obviously enjoys the sex with you, which is why she comes back for more, but there has to be a whole lot more than good sex to make a relationship work. Just think of the sex as half an hour of fun three or four times a week, and the remaining 115 waking hours as a constant battle of wills and wits!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your feedback. You may be right, it may be bad news again. I do know that she has been seeing this other guy.I have in the back of my mind that things could be different if we both gave in a little and tried talking things through. Or maybe the sex just has me wishful thinking! I`m not sure right now. Some people can change, others cannot. I just don`t know which of the two we are. Still, I can`t understand why she keeps coming back for more. Maybe it`s because there`s not a whole lot out there when you get to our age? Maybe she`s telling the other guy the same thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): I wonder too. My guess is that she's not really seeing anyone else, but has told you she is just to spur you into action to snap her up before this 'other guy' gets his hands on her - if he exists, that is.
Let's face it, you've split twice before, probably because you both have stubborn personalities and I doubt that anything has changed on that score. I see trouble ahead, and think any relationship is doomed to failure sooner or later.
Enjoy the sex while it lasts, but if I were you I wouldn't get any more involved than that, and when this 'other guy' is ready let him have her and save you a load of heartache.
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