A
female
age
36-40,
*andie
writes:Hello aunts, uncles! My bf and i recently had a fight about my family and its really bothering me.2 months back my dad found out that my bf sometimes comes over to visit me and he made it clear that he doesn't want to see him around his house... I told my bf and he understood. Wel, he doesn't know and has not yet met my dad, but has met both my brother and mom.He recently mentioned that my brother doesn't like him (he felt so because my dad found out through my brother that my he comes around the house), i tried to make my bf understand that it isn't true but he thought i was taking my brother's side. He even went on to say that my dad also hates him and that's why he doesn't want him around his house. I tried again to explain to him that my entire family is very protective over me and my dad is quiet an old fashioned and strict parent who never allows being disrespected especialy around his house. I was unhappy with the way he was going on about my brother, so i told him to stop it because its not true and that he has no right to speak about him like that as he knows nothing about my brother. So he went on to say that everyone in my family hates him. I was angry and told him to leave me the hell alone and not speak to me because he hates my family, so it means he doesn't love me as wel. He then said he loves me, but yes he hates them... I was furious and ended up saying i hate his family too and i HATE HIM as wel... (of course I dnt hate my bf). It makes me sad that we had to fight about something like that, i never thought that my bf and i could even fight about family... I love him so much, i knw he loves me too but i don't know how to make him understand that my family doesn't hate him- they hardly know him for God's sake!! We've never argued about something so touchy and its been long since we had a heated argument like this one. I know for a fact that we won't separate only because of this, but i have fear that it will have such a negative effect on our relationship in the future and could affect our kids as well- since we plan on having a family together. Please help me about this aunts, i'm really confused and afraid that he means every word he said... I never thought that one day i'll have an argument with my bf and end up thinking to myself 'how could this happen?' Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Candie +, writes (30 December 2008):
Candie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank you so much Lib1 for such beautiful advice you gave me. You a star! No, i dnt have anger problems and yes, my family was the sour subject in our argument.
I'm glad that waking up to this site and reading your advice gave me the courage to speak to my bf and he really understood everything i told him and was also sorry for saying things to me as well. Everything is cool and back to normal now! Thank you again Lib1- mwah!
A
female
reader, Lib1  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 I've had a similar problem as your boyfriend he feels ultra sensitive and probably wants you to go against your family to be reassured that you would start your own family with him.It sounds like your boyfriend knows how much your whole family looks up to your father and how much they respect him. He might feel that his chances are ruined now and just wanted your support that your family was wrong for making him feel the way he did. I will tell you that my ex reacted the same way you did (he didn't tell me he hated me though) and it ruined our relationship. I couldn't even look his family in the eyes and being around them made me shake.I agree with satin desire that cutting the cord with your family is necessary to start your own (not disown them or disrespect them). Draw a line that your boyfriend is off limits to them and they better get used to him being around. BUT you're still learning and growing, so as much as Satindesier is right for pointing out your anger made you say you hated him. But she also has said extremely nasty and mean things on this site to hurt people she has never even met. We all falter from having our buttons pushed but what matters is letting the person your anger hurt know that you realized the pain you caused them and apologize from the heart. I'm not sure if you have an anger problem but your family was a soar subject.Make sure your loyalty to your family doesn't destroy your chances of making a family of your own with a different loving person. I wish my ex didn't mess us up so bad by letting his family torture me. Save your relationship if it truly means something to you. Your family will ALWAYS know you love them, but a romantic relationship takes more work to maintain.
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