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female
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anonymous
writes: Am I wrong to feel peeved by this? My boyfriend of 1 year and I hardly ever seem to go out these days. He always says he is too tired after work or is working on his house. I see him most nights but we usually just stay in at his and he'll cook dinner and we'll watch tv. The most we do is go to the local pub after work for a couple of drinks and his friends usually end up joining us anyway. Yet when his mates ask him to go out (not often, at the most its once a month), he is full of energy and can go out for dinner and drinks until the early hours of the morning. We had a massive row about it the other weekend with him accusing me of not wanting him to go out with his mates which isnt the case at all as I think its good we still see our own friends. My gripe is that I want us to go out on our own occasionally to somewhere other than the local, maybe for dinner or to a winebar. I said this to him and he agreed we had gotten comfortable and things would change but as of yet, nothing has been arranged. I havent asked him yet either but thats because each day we speak, he says he is shattered or working on the house again. I just feel like things are never gonna change. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (15 August 2006):
 Could you perhaps book a table - early doors, perhaps, and tell him that you are saving him the chore of cooking dinner tonight as he 'must be so tired, you thought it would be a nice treat'?
You could suggest perhaps a short walk followed by Sunday lunch, perhaps on an agreed date - maybe once a month. This should'nt take up too much time, and it will help with communication, too, as you would have each other's undivided attention. You could even offer to help him for the same number of hours at his house to compensate for the time spent with you?
Or, if that does'nt work, perhaps you could cook for a change, and incorporate a few surprises of your own, his favourite meal, candles, flowers on the table, even go 'commando'!! Just something to jog his imagination, and make him remember he should still be romancing you! It may be just the thing to make him want to reciprocate, and you could always suggest the meal out, or tickets to a concert, etc, when he is all mellow and in a good mood!!
I know it's not quite the same as going out, but if he really has dug his heels in and all else fails, what is there to lose?? You are in this thing together, and life really is too short to waste sitting around arguing - but I don't have to tell you that, do I?! Good luck, I would love to hear how you get on...
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