A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why are there so many expectations for women? I've started to notice a trend that women are mostly valued by their attractiveness. We're expected to shave, wear makeup, be skinny, have larger boobs and a nice butt, etc. The list goes on and on. I know there are also certain expectations for men, but it doesn't seem to be nearly as much as women. Plus there's the factor that it's plastered everywhere, so it's always in your face. On tv, in porn, music, the internet. Will the over-sexualization of women ever stop? I don't think men take much notice. I imagine it would be different if the roles were changed and all the billboards, ads, and porn featured attractive scantily clad men. It's all too much and I'm worried about the impact it has in our society.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2015):
 No he isn't missing the point. He is being IGNORANT.
And that ATTITUDE is why rape still exist.
You should DO a little research because you obviously do NOT grasp why women WANT/NEED equality.
Let me give you some numbers from RAINN
68% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police.
98% of rapists will never spend a day in jail.
With the rise of feminism ( or can I just freaking call it basic human rights for women?) Rapes have actually gone down almost 50% since 1993. YET the PERPETRATORS/RAPIST do NOT spend more time in jail nor do more women come forward than before.
You say women should come forward. But in the same post you say that women are to be blamed. For drinking. For TRUSTING a guy to RESPECT them as a human being. 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance. 38%, mate! THAT is MORE then one-in-three cases. So it's NOT that women go out there and INVITE rape.
The PROBLEM with rape is... it's SOCIALLY acceptable. Like you stated that is just the way it is. WELL I say FRELL that!
As for saying it's women's fault as a whole GENDER and that "we" can just stop being models and porn stars is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. That is like saying all wars would end if guys stopped joining the military... well, unless you are in the Middle East, because they can do damage JUT fine with out having a military.
John, you can PLAY the blame game till the cows come home, you are still obliviously ignorant to reality of HALF the worlds population.
It's NOT just about changing female behavior - it's about RAISING boys into me who can don't see with gender bias beer goggles such as yours. THAT will in time hopefully make a dent in process of equality.
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (22 March 2015):
John the point you are missing is that things are uneven now. My case should have been a clear cut criminal case. He had a knife, therefore there was no disputing that I was forced. Yet people still didn't accept it was rape. People said that because I was interested in him beforehand, then it couldn't have been rape. They also said that I shouldn't have been drinking, I shouldn't have had my legs out (I was wearing a relatively short dress with long sleeves), and I shouldn't have left with him. But NONE of that means that anything that happened was my fault.
The campaign you are talking about obviously isn't perfect, but it's trying to change the mentality that somehow the woman must have wanted to be raped because she dressed a certain way or acted a certain way. Yes some horrible women could abuse that, just in the same way the man who attacked me told people it was consensual and my accusations were due to regret. This campaign is trying to highlight the different ways in which rape can occur (as in a woman being too drunk to consent), so surely it doesn't hurt to discuss it beforehand to ensure everyone is happy? It might not be romantic, but it will leave everyone in no doubt.
And as for your points regarding porn, I don't think anyone is disgusting based on the number of people they have had sex with. As long as they consented to it, they can sleep with hundreds of people for all I care. It's not my business. There are other issues with the porn industry that I won't spend time going into on this thread, but with regards to the original purpose of this thread, I do believe that showing more realistic looking women and more realistic sex (as in mutually enjoyable, not purely focused on male fantasy) would definitely help with some of the pressures.
And for the record, I'm not blaming men for this, I'm blaming the porn industry and the media. But sadly too many people think what they see is real life, and due to the fact women are usually the ones who are nipped, tucked and plucked, they are the ones who are finding that some young men who don't know any better have unrealistic expectations of how they should look and act.
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
To the anon- I WASN'T excusing rape!! I'm just saying you're never going to get rid of it, so you can't put yourself in situations that evil people will take advantage of you. That's just the truth!
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
@jls022- Your rape story is horrible and the guy should be put in prison. That doesn't excuse those stupid "uneven" laws that they're passing. Also the Women who never report their rapes to the police because they're ashamed or whatever should report them!My point of saying rape will always be around, is that girls always have to be careful and not put themselves in bad situations, but they do! I know the rapists should go to prison, I wasn't excusing their behavior like these other crazy women think I was.So you're saying you would be ok with porn if it was realistic? You don't think it's, I don't know, DISGUSTING that a girl would sleep with so many men??I understand how bad these industries are, but these women who sign up for it obviously are willing to do anything for attention and money, so it's not just men responsible for this.
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
@Womenwithwords- I obviously wasn't talking about kids being raped? What's wrong with you? I'm not blaming rape victims! I think the guys who did it need to be locked up no doubt. What I'm saying is you have to be careful because their are evil people in the world!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): @ John
To excuse rape as ' it always has been and always will be ' is totally unacceptable !
Totally and You should be ashamed to make such comments . Disgusting
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (22 March 2015):
John, I want to give you another example. This one is about me and is actually the reason I got into counselling/volunteering in the first place.
When I was 19, I'd had a few drinks in a nightclub. I wasn't drunk but I couldn't drive either. After the lights came on, I waited in a huge queue for my coat, and by that point most people had left including my flatmates, who couldn't see me and assumed I had already gone.
I then bumped into a guy I had become reasonably friendly with over the past 6 months. Being honest, I quite liked him but he'd never asked me out and I was too nervous to do it. He offered to walk me home and I was pleased.
At the university I went to, there was a particular woodland trail that everyone walked through, as it saved a 25/30 minute walk around the woods to the campus entrance. So we went that way and I didn't question it as everyone goes that way. 20 minutes before we got there it would have been full of other people on their way home.
He, gentlemanly I thought, let me walk in front if him because the path was narrow. We were laughing and joking, when suddenly I found myself forced to the ground. I thought he had tripped and taken me with him, but when he forcibly flipped me over onto my back, I saw he had a knife in his hand. That made me freeze, and he was able to do what he wanted without me making a sound. Call it survival instinct. He then left me lying in the dirt, half naked and sobbing.
Then do you know what happened after that? I went to the police, who quickly found that he'd told everyone he had 'scored' with me. People knew I liked him previously, and that seems to mean that he couldn't have raped me. I hadn't struggled because of the knife (which wasn't even looked for), so people said it couldn't be true based on the fact I had limited bruising and he had no injuries. He put my bruising down to me 'liking it rough' in his police statement.
Due to the lack of evidence, the case was dropped and I spent the next few years at uni feeling like no-one believed me. Some were really supportive about it, but so many friends distanced themselves from me and other men wanted nothing to do with me.
It was only last year (10 years after the attack) when another woman came forward telling a very similar story, and the police managed to find some CCTV footage that proved her version of events, that I was called back in. A third woman came forward after seeing the story, and the case went to trial. Thankfully he pled guilty before court so I didn't have to testify, and he's in prison right now. Only one person who didn't believe me back then has made contact to apologise.
So that's my story. This is the reason why rape laws are being passed the way they are. I do not agree that I put myself in that situation by drinking, or by trusting a male friend to walk me home safely. I thought I was doing the safe thing by not walking alone!
If there are women out there who fake rape after regretting having sex, then that's horrific and not on. But in my experience, both with what happened to me and from working as a voluntary counsellor, there are far more women who need a change in attitude because victim blaming and 'slut shaming' are rife and these things can ruin lives.
And also, to say that rape has always and will always happen is pretty unacceptable. I'll never stop working to put and end to that type of attitude.
And finally, regarding your point about women becoming porn stars and models - these women do it for the money because it's a billion dollar industry.
I don't actually have a problem with this in theory, it's the falseness of it I don't like. For example, many porn stars have every inch of their body plucked or waxed. In reality this is painful, expensive, and only lasts a few days on some women depending on how hairy they are, but many men get used to it and shame women if they don't look like that. They also have breast implants, their anus bleached, their vagina surgically altered to make it look the 'nicest' way, and they shriek like banshees from the minute the man penetrates them. They love it when the man ejaculates in their face, even the eyes, they love anal sex and they think their oartner's semen is even tastier than a strawberry milkshake.
The problem with this is it's not real life, but it's so commonly seen that many young men think there is something wrong when their girl doesn't act that way, or doesn't look the way these women do.
Similarly in the modelling industry, even Victorias Secret models have their photographs airbrushed. These women are as close to physically perfect as a human can be, yet it's still not enough.
This is what leads to the feelings of inadequacy, and this is the bit that needs to be stopped because it's getting progressively worse. If you look back at photos of Marilyn Monroe, she was deemed one of the sexiest women in the world for a long time, yet now she'd probably be called fat and would have her lumps and bumps airbrushed out. If we could only start showing people the way they are, then it would reduce these unrealistic expectations on women to look like these people, most of whom don't even look like that themselves in real life.
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A
female
reader, Womenwithwords  +, writes (22 March 2015):
OMG I read the first line of John last replied the. Ignored the rest . Can't believe the mods are letting a troll on here
Blaming rape victims ? ??? What next
Honestly , this guys a joke and I for one won't be coming back to either read or feed the troll
Clearly he believes women ask to be raped and that there is ANY excusehe talked earlier about the .00000000000001 percent of women who do porn as all women needing to take personal responsibility but blames men raping on the women and what they wear
This is the attitude that the very rapists themsevles have
This guy is poison and had some serious issues . It may be wise for the ladies here to ignore and report his further inflammatory posts
I was raped as a child and I fear that even saying that may excite him or lead him to blame me for being an affectionate kid or something equally dumb but I for one can tolerate this vile attitude he displays and his blatant hatred and sexism towards females
It's scarey
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
@Honeypie- Also many of the rape cases are because the Women put themselves in these positions, such as getting too drunk at a party or going home with a stranger. They put themselves in those situations! Ya they should be able to get as drunk as they can without getting raped, but that's not the world. Of course those guys are animals, but there are evil people in the world and you have to be on your guard. Men raping women will never stop, it's been part of this horrible world since the beginning of time.
Where do you get the idea that those cases are rare these days?? I've had plenty of friends sleep with a girl at a party and she freaks out the next morning threatening the guy with rape.
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
@Honeypie- Well if Women hate being objectified so much, quit becoming models, becoming pornstars, don't dress showing a lot of skin, posting photos on fb showing the world your asses and cleavage, etc. Women have a choice not to sign up for these positions, but they VOLUNTEER to take positions like these. They're accountable for their own actions.
Of course this doesn't apply to ALL Women. Yeah these guys shouldn't make a girl feel like crap because of their bodies, but at the same time Women should respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2015):
John, do you even really understand what feminism is?
It wanting equality. NOT outdo men or get the upper-hand. The law you talk about yes-means-yes sounds like a uneven law. Because a drunk guy can't consent any more then a drunk woman.
But the thing is LAWS like that are popping up because 9 of every 10 rape victims were female (in 2003) and I'm not talking about the women who then later goes, Urgh I shouldn't have had sex with that fella let's call it rape, THOSE cases are actually VERY rare these days.
1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. THAT needs to stop. And that is NOT about feminism - that about BASIC HUMAN rights.
I'm NOT saying that guy don't go through crap, or that they can't get raped - they CAN and they DO - and guess what? MOST of those guys are RAPED by OTHER guys.
BUT UNTIL we ALL have equality - these laws (like the one you mention) will be uneven, because victimology is VERY uneven.
And apparently the no-means-no campaigns are falling on deaf ears as people (men and women) are STILL being raped.
So please, this isn't about insecurities - it's about WOMEN being regarded as less - an an object. Whether it's to sell a product (to man and/or women) or as sexual pieces of meat.
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (22 March 2015):
@ the anon girl claiming how ignorant and naive about this whole issue-
Women ARE more sensitive than men and it is the WOMEN'S CHOICE to become a porn star or a model. You should be blaming all the hot girls for signing up for these positions if you're so angry that they are being objectified by men. It's THEIR choice, no man forces them to become porn stars. Where is the personal responsibility??
I'm willing to bet any average girl who had a nice body and could land a job as a magazine model that pays a lot, she would grab it in a heartbeat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): I love the way that male anon is quick to pout out that some men have insecurities too ! Of course insecurities are not exclusive to women but the rubbish about women being more sensitive is ridiculous
Women have had to put up with their bodies being objectified and held to the highest standards but never more so than now
When was the last time you saw a news stand absolutely full of semi naked young men's hard bodies splashed all over magazines for women go masterbate too ? Or a multi billion dollar industry where young hot men are paid by in droves to have sex with overweight unattractive women so that women at home can believe they have a chance with a stud like that and masterbate
They answer is You havnt because those industries of perfect bodies women and objectification are run by men and for men
You are either very very young and naive it a troll
Either way , this discussion is about the objectification and over sexualisation of women which happens WAY more than it ever has to men
Does that mean men don't ever experience any issues in life ? Of course not
What it means is that some of us women are tired of the fact that women
Are way more objectified than men and we are questioning whether it
Will changes but sadly. - attitudes like displayed by you make us realise that it won't for a long long time
Ps have you considered some formal education in gender issues . Even one class may help open your eyes to the reality of life for women in this enviroment
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): Sure we might see men with smaller heavier or older women but you can pretty much rest assured that if those men had the options of transforming their smaller bigger or older women's bodies to look just like the porn stars they masterbate to? They would do it in a heartbeat .!!!!!
Why? Because that's what they crave and desire . Just because gbey desire it doesn't mean they can get a women like that and they know it! That's why they settle for us everyday women .
It always makes me laugh when people use the argument for porn by saying ' oh he likes the porn stars but remember , he chose you'
Let's be real. The chance most men have of getting a woman who is twenty , blonde big breasted , never ages and then morphs into a petite asian at the click of a mouse is ZERO
Men settle for us ! And sadly they think real beauty is porn stars not the mothers of their children with sagging breast stretch marks and twenty years of aging since their wedding
That's NOT beautiful to men today! It's something to be used as a masturbatory tool whilst he dream of the porn girls he jerked off to the
Day before
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): Women spend about 2/3rds of all the money in the culture. This is a plain fact that the advertising industry knows.
The ad industry does what sells. Women don't need encouragement from men just to objectify themselves, they do it like crazy on their own. I read about a study finding that women even critique other women's body parts more harshly & specifically than men do.
The big feminist revolution was happening 50 years ago. There was a modern-era backlash against this objectifying & sexualizing of women before many of you were born. Go back another 40-50 years before that and you see many of the same things going on again. The 1920s were more sexually liberal & progressive. That was the "flapper" era of women looking tomboy-ish.
Women are objectified because women naturally do it to themselves. Some things are just human nature. The periodic backlashes usually put a lot of blame on men but things always end up back to normal again a generation later.
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (21 March 2015):
@jls022- That's fine, I just hate when it turns into radical feminism and girls think there is a war against them. For example, I live in California and recently they passed the "yes means yes" law. What it states is a woman hasn't given consent until she verbally says yes. So if a man and a woman are kissing and one things leads to another and they have sex, it's considered rape if she didn't actually verbally say "yes". It's a problem because if a woman a little drunk and wakes up the next morning feeling regret, she can claim rape, even though she was fully aware of what she was doing. She doesn't even have to be drunk and can wake up the next morning feeling regret. However it does NOT apply to men
When I see posts like this and girls are complaining about all these issues toward them, I think of things like this which is a negative to being a guy. Men and women were created for different purposes, have positives and negatives, and are both equal as human beings.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 March 2015):
John, I didn't post anonymously but I assume you are referring to my post about the girls who come into the centre, and if you look at my post I actually said that it could be that men are reluctant to come into ask for advice. I also acknowledged that men have their own share of issues.This is exactly what I'm talking about - so many people are so quick to go on the defensive and say one sex shouldn't be complaining because there are issues on both sides. Of course there are! It's not a competition. Just because a woman feels upset that she feels pressure to look a certain way, doesn't take anything away from a man who feels his penis is too small. Both are issues that deserve compassion and understanding, not dismissed because of some missguided battle between the sexes. Instead of an 'us vs them' mentality, why not try to understand where the other side is coming from?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): I agree about media telling men how a woman should look. I remember here on TA one young boy asking if its natural for a woman to have hair around anus. Because when he had sex with his girfriend doggy style he noticed few hair around her Nus. And he was shocked. He said, I never see anyhting like that on other girls I had sex with.
For me it was just funny. I couldn't even understand, does not he know that a he has hair there also. And the expectation of a woman to totally take it off!!
I grew up in the 80s where no one shaved at all. The first time I shaved it was in 2000 when we moved into the tropics and I wanted to shave as it was very hot and I didnt want any smell to collect down there.
My husband liked it and since then I shave there on a regular basis.
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male
reader, john130420 +, writes (21 March 2015):
To the female anon who said she has more girls come into her work complaining about their insecurities than men, well that's because in GENERAL girls are way more sensitive than guys are. There are a hell of a lot of guys that feel inferior because their penis doesn't "size up", they're too scrawny, fat, weak, have no charisma, no confidence, and girls don't even notice them because of their flaws. So don't act like girls have it the worst, it's a balance.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 March 2015):
Dear OP,
If there weren't such unrealistic images to represent female beauty, women wouldn't want to buy so many things to make them look differently. This would mean a huge decrease in sold clothes, cosmetics, fitness and wellness products, manicure/pedicure/hair-removal/tanning treatments, diet foods etc.
We live in a capitalistic society. The media try to tell us women that men only like us if we look like 15-year old supermodels, or as is the new trend, Nicki Minaj. So that they can sell us stuff. Of course, this rubs off on mens' perception of beauty as well.
But I think the main reason why there are unrealistic and over-sexualised images of women is money.
I think there are also unrealistic expectations towards men, but it's less about being physically sexy and more about status or masculinity. Men are made to believe they need expensive suits, cars, watches, sneakers and gadgets.
Anyway, what I wanted to say is that no matter what is displayed on ads, not all men think like an advertisement. When you look around, you'll find men happily in relationships with smaller, heavier, older women than in the media. And we women also have relationships with men that are less succesfull, rich, bossy and athletic than the guys in the ads.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 March 2015):
'The majority of sucide and homelessness is men. Yet no one cares unless it's a women.'
Goodness me male anon, you can't seriously believe that? I'm not sure if you are correct when you say more men are homeless and commit suicide, but to say that no-one cares about it is pretty extreme.
The original OP was talking about the pressure she feels under to look, act and behave a certain way based on the media. It wasn't supposed to be a men versus women type debate on who is treated the worst, as she acknowledged that both sides have their issues. She was asking about over sexualised images in the media and the expectations that places on society (in her case women as that is what she knows). I've certainly felt it and many others have too.
In fact, here is an example which I've had permission to use from the young lady in question. I volunteer at a local charity run counselling centre, and one of the services we offer are computers and iPads to let people either access online counselling or forums like this one. A few weeks ago, a 17 year old girl was in and she was very upset sitting with the iPad. She was upset because she was on a forum in which young men were saying they would be disgusted if they found out a woman had any pubic hair, as it's 'dirty and unnatural'.
This girl had almost jet black, thick hair, and she told myself and the other volunteers that she finds it difficult to remain hair free for any length of time due to this. It also results in skin irritation as she is shaving so often, and painful ingrown hairs. She was recently dumped by her young boyfriend because he was horrified that she wasn't completely hair free all the time, so she'd been looking online for reassurance that other men wouldn't act the same, and she didn't find that on the forum she was on sadly. She admitted to me that she would prefer not to have to try to shave/wax all the time, but she won't risk it as apparently her ex has already told people what a 'freak' she is for having hair down there. I am only 29, but this was never something I worried about at 17 and it certainly wasn't something people were talked about for in the school canteen, so something has changed.
We do, from time to time, have young men coming in with insecurities about things like their height, physique or confidence when approaching women, but the young women we see outnumber them by quite a large percentage. Perhaps this is just due to the fact the young men are less likely to seek advice - I don't know. What is definite is the increase in the types of problems we are seeing. We've heard everything from young teenagers being badgered into trying anal sex, to them wanting parts of their vagina surgically altered as they don't look 'normal' like the women in porn.
These are all real and very sad problems, which is not to say men are to blame or that they don't have their own issues, but something does need to be done to educate young people on what is real life and what is what you see on a screen.
Sometimes this site makes me quite sad, as there are so many people (men and women) who could learn so much about what the other sex is feeling based on the answers on here, yet they are so quick to make out that their gender is the only one with issues and the other sex are dismissed as selfish and unreasonable. We should all be working together for fairer treatment for all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): Sadly we still Live in times that women are still seen as nothing more than a series of holes for men's pleasure and our feelings or humanity counts for
Nothing to men
Will It change ? Who knows ?
Considering rapes stats ( heavily weighted towards males peeps and frame victims ) domestic violence ( heavily weighted again ) poverty , single parenthood ( again mainly women) porn, sexual harrassment, unequal pays etc etc etc, I veryyyy much doubt we will see much change in
This life
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A
male
reader, john130420 +, writes (21 March 2015):
Women need to get over this because this is how it has always been and ALWAYS will be. It's natural for the stronger sex to take over, no? There are double standards towards men as well. For example, guys are expected to be manly and strong and if they act feminine they won't attract many girls. Girls complain when a guy is being a jerk but they still want them because they are confident. If you want a guy who won't over sexualize you then go for the "nice" guy who will treat you like you're on a pedestal. When men go through divorce we get screwed by the courts, the women get the kids. I have seen guys lose their car, house, and their kids to women who cheated on them and divorced them. If girls don't want to be sexualized DON'T dress showing all the skin you can. Of course girls don't care if they're sexualized then, they just want all the attention from all the guys. Girls don't HAVE to sign up to become a pornstar, that's THEIR choice. Where is the responsibility?? Should you murder someone JUST BECAUSE you're going to get paid a couple million dollars?Guys only want a virtuous girl for relationships, we don't want a girl who has slept around with a lot of guys. We will use them exclusively for sex, but we will never respect them or think of bringing them home to meet mom and dad. That's JUST how it is, it's built into our DNA, NOT taught by society. You can complain all you want about it, but that won't change the facts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): You bring up a very intelligent and valid point. One I too have thought about a lot and has always bothered me.
Yeah it would change when there is a paradigm shift in this mentality. Which would entail an enlightenment of sorts via some sort of movement or economic change. Things like these always change through time.
Like during the renaissance, an attractive woman was a very overweight plump woman. The reason being because it was a sign of wealth and prosperity. Poor people were slender because they can't afford to eat, therefore they were considered sickly and weren't as attractive as an overweight woman. Interestingly, attraction had more to do with status than it did with aesthetics. Nowadays, being slender is attractive. But even nowadays it still goes back to wealth and status. The view is that a slender person is one who eats healthy, organic foods, and works out. Both signs of wealth in our times. People who are slender are educated on nutrition, (education is expensive), they can afford a healthy diet and can also afford, plus they have the time, to work out and be fit. Poor people can't afford personal trainers or gym memberships. They often have to work long hours and can't find the time. They are not as educated so make poorer choices in general when it comes to nutrition, among other things. Often have to eat greasy fast food to feed their family as organic foods are too expensive. So, nowadays, being overweight is viewed as a sign of low socio-economic status.
I know it is not this cut and dry just trying to give you a rough idea.
This paradigm shift is interesting. Because it shows how aesthetics is shaped by status and wealth. It all goes back to mating. A healthy women is a prized woman, she can bear the healthiest children. 500 years ago that meant being plump, that was a sign of health. Nowadays it means being slender.
Men actually have been sexually objectified in the past too as women are in the present. During the classical period, the Greeks objectified men and boys. And not women. Men were the eye candy. You can still see remnants of this paradigm in their paintings and sculptures. Sculptures of naked men was like their ancient porno. Some of the sculptures were pretty sexual, showing a man leaning back, aroused facial expression, with his legs sprawled, with his large penis being the focal point of the scultpure. Most of their paintings were pretty graphic too. Showing male on male sex acts, some paintings would show a man on his knees about to perform fellatio to another man. A lot of their paintings had to do with pedophilia too, which was accepted in their culture. Most old men had an adolescent boyfriend. This was the norm, perfectly acceptable behavior. And it was all recorded in their art.
So yeah things will change. Things always change. Maybe not in our lifetime. But paradigms constantly change and shift throughout history.
I encourage you to read up on the history of society's so you can see how fleeting our tastes and beliefs truly are. And therefore you do not have to accept something that bears no real truth or real significance, but is just a trend of our times.
In the meantime, there is a quote that I think suits you and all those who agree with your views: "Be the change that you want to see." Women are viewed the way they are because a large many of them allow it and unlike you they don't question it. They become slaves to this fleeting status quo. So don't allow it. Don't condone it. And know that like all passing trends this too will pass. Nothing relating to culture and society is set in stone. It's forever changing, evolving and cycling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): The funniest comment in ghis gnread has to be the male anon who day ' ad for porn. Blame the women, no one asked them
To do that '
Ohhhhh so the women re not being paid large sums of money to do things most women would never do on camera ? Oh so men are not paying them this money so they can make huge amounts of money from other men jerking off to it ???
Hmm I guess those women are just doing it for fun Huh and that all women really really want to do that . In fact this anon make must think all women would do that for free ?
You can see here, from comments EXACTLY how the sexualisation
Of females had become even worse since the Internet and warped many peoples minds
I despair for humanity when I read some comments and that was one of them
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): The last two make Anders are typical of the attitudes that perpetuate this whole problem. Maybe those men should try being women in this world before they say
As for the silly comment about divorce and how hard done by men are? Research shows over and over that women come out of divorce much more damaged financially than men. Usually withe kids to care for and much more loved career and earning potential as she had sacrificed her professional development in having babies whilst he has great earning potential and simply moves on to a younger model
It's a mans world . Always has been and it will change very very slowly , perhaps not in our life
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A
male
reader, sincere0121 +, writes (20 March 2015):
Double standards or what, women do not have it worse than men. Men are treated like second class citizens, you divorce your wife, 99% of the time the judge/court Will automatically favour the woman and the man will lose his finances and kids just to benefit a woman.Men get raped by women and it's not taken seriously, everyone turns a blind eye.Men get attacked by women everyone turns a blind eye to it and laughs it off.A women makes an accusation against a man then he is guilty until proved innocent and even when proved innocent that man will still be labelled, while the woman is free to go on accusing innocent men and ruining their life's The majority of sucide and homelessness is men. Yet no one cares unless it's a women. Over sexualization is caused by women trying to out do each other.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): You females are overthinking all this like some sort of a philosophy. Women are gorgeous things to men and part of getting the affection women crave is derived by how gorgeous they appear to their guy, hence shaving, make up etc. Don't blame men because that is how they are created just the way females are created to seek affection and attachment. As for the women in modeling, porn etc who fuel specialization, go blame them not the men because nobody asked those women to do that. So I think whatever you are asking has nothing to do with men on intimate level but with women on the global, media level so discuss about them, not the men.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2015):
*chuckles*
*hugs*
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 March 2015):
 damn it Honeypie you beat me again, you young whippersnappers type too fast.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 March 2015):
You've noticed a "trend"? Honey this has been going on for centuries albeit minus TV and the internet etc...Society just keeps on plugging along. Sex sells in advertising it's just a fact. You can refuse to buy the products that exploit women if you want and you can try to convince others not to as well but it's an uphill battle. The good news is that because there are so many ways to flood the market with these images people are getting rather desensitized by them. Maybe things will change in the future, doubtful but maybe. One thing for sure, I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 March 2015):
***Will the over-sexualization of women ever stop? ****
Nope, because women SELL goods better than men. It's a fact.
Men ARE sexualized in the media and marketing, but it's NOT as common as women being used and it's mainly on "manly" or products for men, whereas women sell everything from cars to travel. The times were MEN are used ( "I can't believe it's not butter commercials" for example) it's done tongue in cheek, with a sense of humor that an attractive MAN is selling butter. Where as you see a very lovely 50+ lady in the latest "male enhancement pill commercial" basically suggesting to men that if they TAKE those pills lovely ladies like her can be obtained.
Equality only goes so far. Even today.
How does it affect society? well that is a big and complex question that I can't answer fully. But I can give you my point of view.
Women have been viewed as property for thousand of years and now that (at least in some part of the world) women are no longer "owned" (by father/husband) women are then regarded as objects.
And yes there IS a double-standard when it comes to looks. BUT that comes down to the difference in men and women. MEN see Victoria Secret models and they ACTUALLY think that the average woman looks like that. Women see that and KNOW that that is NOT the average woman, but WHO wants to be average? Men don't want average...
Women see a ripped guy shirtless - Let's take Chris Evans in Captain America, we enjoy the view. NO DOUBT. But we also understand that a body like that is NOT the norm. We do NOT go around expecting the men in our lives to go get ripped and constantly BE ripped.
As for the shaving (for example) if you don't WANT to shave then don't. IF you don't WANT to wear make-up, then don't. Which is exactly what I'm teaching my girls. The only standard you need to live up to is YOURS.
And let's not forget, woman are more often seen as the weaker sex. Yes, there a things we can't physically do that men can, but there are SO many others WE can do that men would last a minute doing. Like? giving birth. I saw the BEST study a while back where 2 guys were fitted with a harness that sent impulses (basically pain) to area of their body as women feel it though childbirth. Their reactions were priceless. (not that I enjoyed seeing anyone in pain, but it WAS nice to see a man getting into perspective WHAT a woman goes through).
Let's talk rape - because it DOES feature into the gender issue. YES, men can be raped and they DO get rapes, but the WASTE majority of rape victims are women, and in the case where MEN are victims, guess what? the perpetrator is male.
What do you say to a girl going out on the town? As a friend or a parent? Be careful, don't drink too much, don't go home with a stranger, watch your drink, don't wear too much make-up, don't dress to sexy, don't lead a guy on...
And to a boy? Go, have fun!
The Madonna/Whore complex. Ever heard of that? Women are somehow expected to be perfectly behaved and modest, with BARELY (if any) sexual partners, but still be a freak in the sheets.
Then of course we have the religious aspect. (the Madonna/Whore complex plays well into that).
I could go on, but I'll spare you.
I think once women stop buying into the "STANDARD" of beauty- things will change. BUT it will take decades. The women AND men of the 1960's made a HUGE leap, but we are still SO far from just being male/female/whatever gender you choose.
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