A
female
age
36-40,
*ello,you
writes:I am senior student in college now .And I am traditional girl .I want to find a man who I really love and marry him.However,I haven't got a boyfriend before and I am still a virgin now .Surely ,I have a crush on a boy in the class.But that's impossible .He just like the beautiful and very excellent girl .And to my disappointment,I am an ordinary girl .Of course ,he won't fall in love with me no matter how I care for him .And I am a introversive girl in my class .There are 34 boys and only 5 girls in my class now .In fact ,I am a open-minded ,friendly,easy-going girl ,and I always get ready to help others in the past .I can have a lot of femal friends in a short time. And I am very popular in the class during my highschool period.I become introversive in the class just because what the boy who I have a crush on in grade three in the highschool said .He said that he won't love the girl who have ever has a boyfriend .And in my hometown ,when I am very young ,at about 4 years old ,the grandmother scold my elder sister and me ,just because we play with boys .We just play games .And my grandmother said ,"How could you girls play with the boys ?"When I am little ,I was being teached "Men and women not giving pro".And once a long time ,my cousinry ,she walk in the street with about three man at night . And there are some gossip in my hometown ,it is said that she's a prostitute and a uncomely woman.I am a kindhearted and obedient girl.What I want most is try best my filial piety and marry a man who love me and is loved by me .I will do my best to love him.And now in my class ,there are 34 boys . When I am a freshman , the classmates asked me to barbecue,I felt very unhappy and guilt and just leave very early at that night.I avoid from the classmates as much as possible .When they called me to play badminton ,I refuse ;when they invite me to a classmate's birthday party,I refuse too.In the classroom ,I avoid myself from talking to other boys,and sit behind in a corner .One year later ,there are some boys's names in my class I still didn't know . People don't know why .No one understand me .They only think that I am a very slap-up girl ,and maybe look down upon them .But in fact ,I just afraid if I play with the boys ,people may think I am an uncomely girl ,and there will be gossip ,and the boys I have crush on will look down upon me too .He won't need a girl like that .I am just afraid to play with boys .Although I am a senior student in the college now ,I even have a Chinese boyfriend and I am still a virgin.I don't know if is virgin is so important to a man ?Will the boys very mind that the girl once have a boyfriend ?Will the boys hate the girl play with other boys although they are chaste ?I bother about that .I think a lot of Chinese man will mind .I felt I can't breathe free now.
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cousin, crush, grandmother, has a boyfriend, period, prostitute, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hello,you +, writes (10 July 2008):
hello,you is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks,StudentOfLife.
A
female
reader, gahhh  +, writes (10 July 2008):
i started dating later and i had always had guys tell me that me never being kissed was really attractive, but then i actually got a boy friend and it doesnt make people think less of you. it is possible to hang out with guys and just be friendly.if you are worried about being looked down upon then just dont hangout with a guy alone, or be walking around with guys late at night. playing sports like badmiton sounds like a great way to make new friends. just becareful about your conduct and if your worried about people thinking something was going on make sure you hangout in very public places and bring friends that are girls along, who knows maybe the guy you like will be there :Di dont really know much about your culture on this topic, but i dont think he will look down on you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Perhaps next time you have an invitation, you could ask the other girls in the class to go with you. If you go and leave with girlfriends, would people accuse any of you of being bad? Or why not go to invitations with your boyfriend?As to your fear that your classmates will think you're too proud to be their friend, maybe you should explain next time you get an invitation that you are always worried about your reputation at home. Surely they will understand!Are you now living in a more relaxed place than in your hometown? Look at how your college friends talk about girls who are friends with boys-- do they say mean things, or do they take it as natural? Will you have to go back to your hometown to marry when you're done with college? If you don't have to go back to the hometown much, then I say have fun and don't worry (though you should be very picky about whom you date.) I'm sure the boy whom you had a crush on was speaking out of ignorance. Also, if you have a boyfriend but you don't love him, you should let him go. People everywhere do think bad things about girls who flirt behind their husband's or boyfriend's back. Such a shame that some cultures make men and women strangers to each other. As an Asian American, I know what you are talking about and I'm so glad that I grew up here... I've been playing with boys since I was tiny, and have as many male friends as female friends, but nobody looks down on me, not my family or even my husband's family. The (nonsexual) friendship of men has been a great enrichment to my life, and I hope that some day you will have the chance to enjoy it too. But until you have some power (when you're a married mother) you won't be able to change your society. When you have children one day, do make an effort to let them play with boys and girls. Until then, I guess you can just try not to pass on rumors, and do your best to defend girls who are being called vicious names. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 I don't see anything wrong with that, here (Canada) it's normal for guys to hang out with girls. Doesn't mean that they're prostitutes.
Personally, I was very honored to loose my virginity to a virgin woman. I think that I'll always be honored to be the first one to make love to a girl.
I can't talk for all the boys, but I don't mind if a girl have had boyfriends before, we all have a past and we must learn to accept it.
I don't think about the past because no matter what, you can't change it. You must work today to bring you closer to the goals you've set for yourself in the future.
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