A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated a guy (we'll call him P) for 2.5yrs, and he was/is the love of my life. P's everything I'm looking for, but things weren't right with us, I think, perhaps, b/c he just never loved me as much as I needed him to love me. We broke up six months ago, and he's recently been back in my life. He's asked if I'd want to try again, but I'm not sure things would be any different, and I don't think he is, either. So, for now, we're just trying to be friends again and see where things go.In the meantime, I've been dating this guy, we'll call him J. J is nice enough, but I'm not really interested. I feel like I need to force myself to try to like J, b/c otherwise, I'm just holding out for something with P that might never happen. And I'm old enough (28) that, if I want to have kids, I need to stop screwing around with relationships that aren't going anywhere.I'm terrified I'll end up old and alone b/c I wasn't willing to move on from the guy who I thought was the love of my life, even though we just couldn't ever get things right. But on nights like tonight, what I really feel like doing is staying home and working on my research paper so I can wake up early and meet a friend for brunch before I have to go to work. I don't feel like going to a bar with J at 11:00, having too much to drink and then making out with him, as he tries to take my clothes off and I try to keep them on.At what point do you have to just force yourself to "get out there" when what you really feel like doing is just staying in, even though it is Saturday night?I talked to my ex, P, for a couple of hours this afternoon, and I miss him. He lives in another city and is going out with friends. I feel guilty that I'm not doing the same. But my girlfriends have other plans tonight, and I just don't feel like hanging out with J. I'd rather stay home and get this paper done.Is this bad?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 When you are young, your expectations can be very high.
When you grow older, your expectations become more realistic.
Are you looking for a man or a perfect man?
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