A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:She is in an unhealthy relationship of almost 5 years with him. Many break ups were involved but she patched back with him thinking he might change one day. He is possessive in nature; I heard he slapped her before once or twice. For about a year she started having feelings for me, but she kept hurting me because she says it’s on and off feelings. She knows I did so much for her happiness. She shared all her problems with me, but one day, she never wanted to talk to me anymore because her bf doesn’t like her talking to me. She is just obsessed with him even though realising she went through so much of emotional hurt with him and prefers to be with him. It has been 5 months we last talked. Will she realise who I was in her life and will she talk to me again sooner or later? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 It is heart breaking to see a person throw their potential happiness away, because they cannot break away from an abusive relationship. You did your best. You demonstrated that a relationship can be happy without abuse, without fights and without jealousy.
Maybe one day she may see the light. For your sake I hope so. But it's been five months. The dynamics in her relationship may be the same or may have improved. So there is no guarantee that she will come back to you. It is a measure of your maturity, if you can grow and learn to cope with losing her. She sometimes hurt you. With her yes/no vacillating. Don't allow this to harden and poison your attitude to all women. There is a gal out there who will come to appreciate and love you.
Though first your heart will have to say goodbye emotionally to the first gal.
You can take some comfort in the fact that you gave her some happiness, even if only for a short time. And you did your very best. But some people just cannot see when a relationship is unhealthy.
You can't make her see that. She may never be able to break away from this relationship. That is a bad outcome for you. But when a train is hurtling down the hill, out of control, you can't stop it.
It must be her decision alone to leave the relationship. If she lacks the courage to leave or does not have the motivation to leave, then you must accept that reality.
You can still plan your life ahead. What do you want? What places would you like to travel to and see?
I was thankful for you, to read that your age is 18-21 because you have your
whole life ahead of you. She meant so much to you. You cared about her. And you wanted to make things better for her.
But in life we sometimes lose one we love due to events out of our control, or because circumstances are not right, at the time. Sometimes either we, or the other person cannot recognise that the relationship is exactly what we or they need. Learning to accept what we cannot change is part of the learning about life and the twists and turns we must cope with, if we are to survive and go on to greater things in our life.
My heart goes out to you for the pain you are going through over this woman.
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