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anonymous
writes: hi,i have known my best girl m8 we'll call her "a" for 9 years, and we've never been more then friends although, whenever we're together we often act like boyfriend and girlfriend, we flirt outrageously and theirs an amazing chemistry between us. i have been in love with her since the day i met her 9 years ago, and in the past we had a brief fling were we snogged and slept together on one occassion but were still only friends during our fling. nowadays we hardly every see each other and are barely in touch, perhaps the odd txt every now and then we she replies to me. i have had other serious girlfriends but i've always felt something was missing and i was always looking for other girls and i feel that i was always looking for "a" and i have tried getting over her but for 9 years i have been madly in love with her. i still am and the unfortunate thing is that she now has a fiance. i have told her in the past just before our fling about my feelings for her but she shrugged it off and claimed we were only friends although the chemisty between us suggests more, i feel she is denying her feelings for me because we have been friends for so long. but now i don't think she feels the way i do about her because she has a fiance and we've grown apart. i want to let her know how i still feel about her but i feel that i can't and i feel that i'm trapped and that all i can do is just lose her and watch her be happy with someone else. i want to tell her but if i do then her fiance might stop me from being in touch with her or seeing her, also i am good friends and so are my family with her family in particular her father who i see regularly and work with him quite often through coaching sport. it will make things difficult with me and her family and it will also be extremely embarrassing. so i feel trapped and that i'm fighting a losing battle, but i aint ever going to get over her, because i know that she is the one in my heart and even though i've had other serious girlfriends i've never loved them like i've loved "a". i think i should just keep in touch with her, try to see her whenever i get the chance which won't be often, watch and wait for things to hopefully go wrong with her fiance and just wait so that i can be her shoulder to cry on and get close to her again and always be their for her and then hopefully one day maybe way into our lives, i will get my chance to be her man. if i'm always in her life and remain special to her and if i'm patient maybe i she'll be my girl one day. wot do u think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Starr, writes (3 February 2005): Look sweetie I am sure you are a great person and a wonderful catch.The girl you are so desperately in love with is engaged to someone else. Either you could go to her and tell her how you feel and go from there or you could move on with your life.You have to face reality that the person you are in love with may not be in love with you. Honey you have to let her go.The only thing that I can suggest is that you go to her and tell her how you feel if she does not say what you desire to hear YOU MUST LET HER GO! You will then need to find someone for you and move on but never put your life on hold for anything that isn't promised to you.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 February 2005):
 Hi there,I think you're seeing things you want to see, but that aren't really there.Even though your letter goes into quite a lot of detail, the only bits relevant to your question are that a) you've known her for 9 years, b) you had a brief sexual fling some time back which didn't amount to anything long-term, c) you're "barely in touch" and she only texts you occasionally, and d) she's engaged to marry someone else now.Everything else is peripheral. She's had nine long years to show interest if she wanted to, but - I'm sorry - it doesn't look like she has. If you needed further proof that she's "just not that into you", it would be that she's going to marry somebody else. It's time to face the fact that this isn't a relationship that's going to develop, and to start directing your interest to other women, elsewhere. Part of the reason that you're not feeling the same thrill with other girlfriends is that you're clearly carrying a torch for this one. You're spreading your romantic feeling too thin and there's nothing left for the new women in your life. When you admit to yourself that this one's not coming back to you, you'll be more able to see the attractions in other women.A good start towards letting her go would be to take a deep breath and wish her and her fiance the best of luck in their shared future. (If you were as good a friend as you wish you were, you wouldn't be overtly hoping "things will go wrong" with her present relationship, so she can come back to you. If she wanted you, she had lots of time to show it, remember?)I feel for you, because I can see this is hard to admit and that it hurts, but the sooner you give up the unrequited devotion, the sooner you'll feel better.Hope this helps a little.
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