A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure what actually should i put here...I am so sad, confused and depressed that it is all mixed up. I am in a relationship with a woman 2 years older to me. I love her a lot. She is divorced and I have never been married. She has this nature that she gets angry and mad all of a sudden and blames me for everything that went wrong in her life. I started to know her after she was so depressed in her relationship and was separated from her ex. I liked her and overlooked that she had a relationship. She does take care of me but does speak bad words like abusive language to me when she goes crazy due a fight between us. I am now starting to feel so depressed. She does not let me go and meet my friends and wants me to stay home all the time as she does not have friends. She stays with her family and I stay by myself. It gets so depressing by staying home 24 x 7 on my days off as I know if I go out with my friends she will get mad and we will have this argument for couple of days. Now i am feeling this change in my nature that I do not feel like going out. She complains to me that I do not go out with her and stuff...is it my fault? sexually i feel unsatisfied so many times..but looks like she care but not always....i do not know what should i do...i was never like this ..i was so happy and fun-loving guy...Ladies if you divorce and then meet someone..do u ever get the same feeling of newly married (as i have never been married and I expect everything to be "new" even though she is not)...All the feelings which should be there for this first time...are they present or not?..do you feel the same when making love and care for the 2nd guy?..i dont know..as i am very depressed and scared to death thinking all this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 I still personally feel that this isn't a relationship based on equal amounts of love from both parties.
The word 'willing' means that you will do whatever it takes and that really isn't a loving sentiment so you are very right to feel this way.
It is like saying 'I am willing to meet you half way in the car or something', which means you are not exactly happy about something but you will do it to keep the peace and make sure there is not going to be an argument over it.
Love making should be very natural between two people who want the same thing and should be something to enjoy and saviour.
Is her divorce final yet?
I think she really does need to concentrate on sorting out the issues she had from her marriage before trying to involve someone else as it just isn't fair on that other person i.e. you.
If things don't improve and the arguments continue then you have two choices in this. You could either walk away and lead your own lives for a while and see how things are after all the dust settles OR you could try to go to some sort of couple counselling together to see if you can make this realtionship work and every relationship is about a certain amount of compromise but not one which has not been a long term relationship and has troubles already.
If she will not even consider the counselling then you need to ask yourself this, 'do you want a relationship based on convenience and arguments with love making that isn't exactly willingly given', or would you rather be in a relationship where the other person loves and respects you and wants to spend the rest of their lives with you?
Keep me posted OK, you can always mail me directly.
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks country woman. I am 27 and she is 28. Its been now 2 days we are arguing. I am hurt so bad due to her abusive words. She did come to me to make me feel good but I was so sad to the point that it didn't really matter that she was there. I had tears in my eyes last night and she again got annoyed and just hung up on me. I feel if i let her go it would be very tough for me to lead my life normally. I love her and have so many dreams with her. But I am not sure now. We tried to talk today. She said she is willing to make me happy. Is "willing" the right word? Should it not come naturally from a woman to love her man and make sure he is happy and satisfied? She said that whenever I wanted to make love she came to me..again it is like giving me a guilty feeling that she did everything for me..as if she did not want it...I really am scared and don't understand what to do....
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (30 November 2009):
I think unfortunately you ended up being rebound guy and that is NEVER good.
It isn't fair on you or in truth being fair to herself either. She wasn't truly finished in her marriage before she started seeing you.
There seems to be a lot of hidden issues here that are still lingering from her marriage and it is much easier to blame someone else than to actually EITHER blame herself or the person she used to be with as HE isn't actually around anymore. You are the easy target and it just isn't right.
NO ONE should tolerate abuse in any form and there has to come a point when you say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
You don't say how old you are or how old this lady is?
What I would say is that if you are interested in going out with friend's and you used to be a lively guy and you are now so depressed and sad, SOMETHING has to change. You can't continue to live your life like this.
If the sexual side of things is boring and the relationship is a chore, then you have to ask yourself, what am I doing in this relationship which is gradually destroying my whole self esteem?
I think you need to walk away in all honesty, you are not allowed to have a life outside of the two of you and now because of being around her so much, you have fallen into the trap of becoming like her.
BFN
Country Woman
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