A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my wife for 17 years. We're compatible in lots of ways but sexually. The time we've been together I have found sex elsewhere. ( a man has needs) My lastest affair she has found about and is now leaving and has since bought a house. She says she's needs time and if she finds she can forgive me and has made a mistake in leaving that she will give the marriage another try. This leaves me in limbo and I won't be able to move on knowing she might want to come back.. I am so in love with her. Do you think she will come back or this is her way of making me feel better? She says she loves me but after what I've done is no longer in love with me. In the meantime I have met another woman of whom I am very found of. But at the moment I am emotionally unstable. I can't move on because of what I've done and knowing there's a chance my wife will come back to me.
View related questions:
affair, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bluesntwos +, writes (5 September 2008):
Thanks for your answers. Sexually compatible? she doesn't want sex at all! Not even foreplay. She is an attractive woman, tall, slim. I, over the years have put on 4 stone, maybe she doesn't find me attractive. she has never told me that though. When a woman gives off the "signals" I jump at the chance. They must find me attractive. Although I think the only attravtive thing about me is my personality. My wifes first husband ended up in bed with her best mate and she found them. Is the problem with her or me? or both? Maybe it is time to move on. She told me the other day that there is a new doctor on the ward she works and he asked her out. I got so jealous. I know that I've lost her but I am consumed by all this emotion that I am only thinking about myself.
This other woman has finished it with me saying shes doesn't want to be apart of my emotional turmoil and that her feelings for me are growing. I, at the moment feel so numb.
Incidently I call her my wife but we're not married and in the arguments she pointed this out saying that I never asked her. Also as soon as she found out she was pregnant, (our child is now 13) which was never planned she asked me if I was ready for a child ( I was 31 at the time, never married before, no previous children). when my child was born I immediately had a vasectomy (that obviously says something)
Maybe I am scared of commitment. Maybe I knew that I would have affairs and made sure the women didn't get pregnant. I don't know!
Will I ever move on? How long does the heartache of a break up last. It's like I'm grieving.
Incidently the woman my partner found me with is only 25 I am 47 and she is still on the scene as I see her at work.
God I'm totally screwed!!!
A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (2 September 2008):
Your wife isn't coming back. There isn't a way she can forgive you. There is also a good chance that she doesn't have sex with you because you have been unfaithful. You might as well move on because if she bought a house that is her way of starting her life over.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Before I judge and tell you off for saying a man has needs I will say that there may be more to this than your post implies. When you say you are sexually incompatible for example it could mean you want it every day and she wants it 3 times a week or it could mean you havent had sex for ten years or more, lots of marriages function this way and often wives turn a blind eye to give them respite from the bedroom. However it sounds to me as though your wife was not happy with you having sex elsewhere so there is a major problem here. Hard to comment without knowing the full facts.
If she has a problem sexually (I dont mean not wanting it every day) then she needs help with that otherwise she will never change. Thats the first step, get help for your wife. You then have to decide what you want. You need to forget the new woman and concentrate on your marriage first, if your wifes problem cannot be solved then you have to accept that you and your wife will never be sexually compatible, you will continue to cheat and she will continue to not accept this.
Even though most people may say you are the bad guy in this, as we dont have the full facts, you cant hang around waiting to see if your wife changes her mind, especially if history is going to repeat itself.
Go to her, tell her what you have told us that you love her, if you want to make it work it will take BOTH of you to sort this out and go forward together. If you are not both committed to this relationship then you cant resolve these issues. i wish you luck x
...............................
|
