A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i'm a 14 year old girl. i have a boyfriend, we've been dating for a long time. we're starting to talk about sex. i'm a virgin, he isn't tho. my ex and i dated for 2 years, but i never wanted to have sex, but we attempted oral, but he wasn't into it. but he did finger me, but that was as far as we went. then we broke up a couple months after that, due to him cheating. i got over him pretty fast so i moved on. then i started dating my curent boyfriend and we hit it off real quick. we felt passion towards eachother. we haven't had sex yet, but we're thinking about it. i've gotten horny a couple of times in the past so, i fingered myself. :] there's no shame, right? so since my ex fingered me and i fingered myself and i use tampons will sex hurt as bad still?
View related questions:
broke up, horny, my ex, tampon Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): I have no idea and how old I don't thank y sould have sex untill your 20 or 18
A
female
reader, JK8833 +, writes (23 July 2010):
Like everyone else has said, wait!!! You are sooooyoung. I did not lose my virginity until I was 20 and the emotional consequences that I had to deal with after we broke up were awful. It's been 10 years and I still am a little heartbroken over the man. I can not imagine how I would have dealt with the emotiontal toll if I had been 14. And I was not a prude as a teenager, by 16 I had done everything else but intercourse with my high school boyfriends, but none of that was near as emotional as giving someone my viriginity. It's something you can only give to one person so you need to make damn sure that person is worth giving it too, and that he knows how lucky he is to get it. That person will always have a part of you and it is a big deal. As far as the physical part, For some women it really hurts. I have had friends who were literally in pain for a week afterward. Other women it is just uncomfortable. I was lucky and it was just uncomfortable and I didn't bleed. But I was also with a much older and more experienced man who made sure that I was physically ready before he entered me. Another reason to wait, if you wait until you are older the guy you are with may have more experience and can make it a more enjoyable experience for you. Teenage boys are so horny, they don't have any patience and really don't care if you are ready or not. Also if you are having oral sex, you still need to use condoms or a dental dam. STDs are passed that way too and I hear those can be REALLY painful. Please wait, you won't ever regret waiting when you are older, but you may really regret doing it at such a young age. And like the one reader said, having a baby is going to hurt a lot more than any of it!
...............................
A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 I'd say give it at least two years. If you have to ask these questions you're clearly not prepared or ready for sex. Besides, if you're found out you're boyfriend could be disciplined for statutory rape and I doubt either of you would want that. Your parents also wouldn't be happy.
For the moment stick to masturbation and kissing.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Yes. A smaller penis is normally about the size of maybe 5 fingers, while a tampon is the size of one. Just to give you some perspective. Some penises are larger. Look up what is the average girth of a penis, and then you will see. It is totally different. Plus, a penis is way longer.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (23 July 2010):
Forget about his penis hurting you. You know what will really hurt? A baby coming out! So really think about your future rather than instant gratification. I know we all end up having sex eventually--so make sure you are protected because something like herpes will probably hurt worse also. Make sure before you decide to have sex you use two forms of birth control--condoms and birth control is probably best.
Sex is uncomfortable at first, regardless of tampon or finger usage. Just be careful and don't feel the need to rush into anything, you're still very young. If he doesn't have condoms--get some yourself. If he doesn't want to use condoms then don't have sex with him. If you are too afraid to ask your mom or dad for birth control--then find your local Planned Parenthood and they will give you birth control for free.
...............................
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (23 July 2010):
If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. You may have hormones but you also have a mind and emotions and it doesn't sound like either of them are ready for sex. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
At the core, your explanation sounds like, "Well I want to have sex because this guy is paying attention to me, and I'm curious, and this seems like a good time.". What would you do if your B/F said, "Well, I had sex with this other girl yesterday because I was curious about her, and she was paying some attention to me."?.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice, but it's only around 20% or less who say it was anything like a "bloody mess". I have been with only one virgin girl. She used tampons, we did lots of fingering and oral sex before we tried intercourse, and the first time hurt.
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month.
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
(There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]. Maybe somebody saw it and saved a copy, and can repost it.)
...............................
A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Things like that can loosen you up.... but that doesn't necessarily mean sex won't still hurt. For some people it does for some it doesn't.
Are you sure you actually want to have sex though? Sex is a commitment... After you do it with someone you can't go back to just holding hands and he is going to want to have sex probably every time he sees you. Sexual activities in a relationship at a young age also make a guy more likely to cheat. A teenage guy is always horny... And not just for you. He might tell you he loves you and that he will stick around and never hurt you.. but how can you be sure?
I'm not preaching true love waits.. I don't want you to be the girl that marries young for sex to the wrong person and then ends up with multiple devorces.. but I am suggesting you wait.
Have you thought about pregnancy? Condoms are reliable but not 100% acurate. They can brake... there is no way to be completely certain. And don't think you can't get pregnant the time you lose your virginity, because that is possible.
Have you ever asked your parents about stuff like this? They are the ones that would have to help you if you found at you were pregnant. Don't just do it because you want to make your boyfriend happy... NO guy wants to stick around and deal with that. If he respects you as a person, then he won't ask you to go further than you are comfortable. If you aren't ready and he still brings it up just tell him to stop.
Trust me forever is a long time and not many people make it that far. And even if you just want some good sex, be careful. There's a lot of girls out there that get hurt. Good luck!! :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): Honey, you are 14. You shouldn't even begin to ponder losing your virginity.
And yes, for most WOMEN, it hurts the first time you have sex.
...............................
|
