A
male
age
51-59,
*hymexycpl
writes:My wife says Im too horny all the time and we are in our 40's and Im wondering when the sexual spark will return. I have waited for a long time for this but lately I am thinking she has lost hope and is not intrested in me anymore or sex for that matter. we have 2 teenagers almost out of the house but I dont see any hope. Please help me understand.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Having been 47 years in the SAME prediciment i must tell you that no, it's probably over. Once they stop, they begin to realize there's no need to re-start. She got what she needed years ago. Sorry, I know that's not what you needed to hear but i wish I had heard the brutal truth a long time ago.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2011):
 I actually agree with the female anon reply. There is something else going on that has nothing to do with sex.
It could also be a medical factor, as in hormonal abnormalities, depression, stress and so forth. It is MUCH more common for woemn to lose libido then for men.
Loss of desire can often be put right, but you need to look carefully at the causes of the problem – preferably with the loving cooperation of your partner. There aren’t usually any quick fixes.
I would sit her down and talk to her. Maybe you two could benefit from some the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapy
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2011):
 if she's not sexually interested and she's had a medical work up and it's not physical (i.e. hormonal) and you guys have the ability to adapt for the decrease in natural lubrication (which is the biggest problem for peri-menopausal and menopausal women) then I fear that it may never come back for you two.
she may no longer have the same feelings about the relationship she did.
I think you will have to talk to her and find out what's going on in her head.... it may be physical and she's embarrassed to tell you... many women think it's their fault they don't lube up naturally anymore. Me I keep bottles of lube handy in any area that sex may occur... it's not that I don't WANT my man, my body just has decided that at 51 I don't need to be making lubrication myself... PITA to be honest but it is what it is....
while it's hard to bring this up to her (and do NOT do it for pillow talk.. I would suggest a lovely romantic quiet dinner just the two of you....) I think that the first step to determining if you can fix this is to talk to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): when a woman loses sexual interest in her husband it's usually because the relationship between them isn't good. chances are she no longer trusts you or admires you or respects you. Women just aren't sexually attracted to men that they don't feel are 'worthwhile' to them. maybe she's harboring deep resentments towards you for something in the past (or present). Or maybe she's no longer interested in you as a person because you've become boring or uninterested in her as a person, or made some mistakes that compromised her view of you. Whatever it is, you need to regain her trust or respect or whatever it is - non-sexually speaking - that she has lost for you. only then is it more plausible that she'll start to want it more with you.
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