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female
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*ESSIE123456789
writes: I have a problem....I am in love with this guy......who is REALLY clever and studying A levels AND a degree at a top sixth form. I on the other hand failed all my GCSEs and am on one of the lowest level courses you can possibly get. This guy's mother is really ambitious and wants her son to have 'the best' and to meet a nice girl at University so I heard her tell someone years ago. My problem is that even if I go out with this guy...his mother would DEEPLY dissaprove of me as I am so uneduacted...and would think me unworthy of her son. What can I do about this? How can I make her think better of me? What can I do about this??
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2006): You can't make her think better of you, dear. This is only about you and him, she will have to sit back and say and do nothing. If you date this fellow and she ends up not liking you and judging your character on your lack of educational abilities, then what does that say about her? I think if she's this way, you will always have to have boundries with her on what you. Her son will especially have to be strong because he will tossed right into the middle. You and he will have to put together a plan right off the start of this relationship as to how much of her 'disapproving behaviours towards you'--you will permit into your relationship. Next, if you do run into resentment from her, you detach and handle yourself with style and class. It will be up to your bf to handle her, not you. She is his parent and his responsibility. Try to stay positive and support him. If he's quite young, you have to remember that he needs time to finding a voice to coping with a controlling parent. Because this is what her disapproval will be all about being the 'queen bee", the controlling matriarch. So just accept it, you will not be a favorite. So what. This is where maturity, calmness and detachment come into play. You will need to be strong, politely detach yourself, emotionally and not torture yourself by reacting to her poor treatment of you. This will be a detachment that can be respectful, polite and kind, but when needed--very distant. This will likely be a given. Accept this and then let it go. Then any positive behavior from her with be an unexpected, wonderful surprise. My last word on this, dear. Don’t ever, ever let anybody determine how you feel about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you. It matters not that you are as well educated. You are a person with integrity and a heart. Show that to his Mother. But why fret-who knows, she may absolutely adore you! Good luck and remember one final thing, if she does end up not liking you-whatever you do 'never rip his Mother down'! Just come up with a list of coping skills that you will need to dealing with her. And keep your self-esteem and confidence intact and strong...I wish you the best of luck, dear.
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