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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I need help. I am heartbroken and happy at the same time. My boyfriend left me after 7 years and two children. No big fight, no disagreement and the week my grandfather died. He moved out and I was very upset because we did not even talk about it. I am happy because now maybe I can move on with my life and there is hope of something new in the future. But I still love him even though he shut me out. I stopped calling him and he has not called me and I know it takes time, but will he ever think he made a mistake? I want him to feel bad for what he did to his family. I feel like he turned us down for the bachelor life. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2005): You seem to have accepted his leaving but on the other hand, he hurt you and the kids. And it's understandable that you likely still feel betrayed and hurt by him. Perhaps, someday he will regret leaving and realize what he gave up was so precious. But, he currently believes leaving is what's best for "him" to be happier, regardless of how much pain it may have caused you and the kids. He'll never know that he made a wrong choice if he doesn't go.
Sometimes a man will leave his partner and family, only to discovers that they are the very people he needs in order to be his happiest. His biggest regret begins when he finds his wife has created a new life for herself that no longer has a place in it for him.
Where your husband's personal growth will lead him, only time will reveal. But you need to focus and yourself and those kids, now. Use the time and your strengths for your own personal growth and purpose.
So hang in there, these confusing feelings will begin to subside, please love yourself and do loving things for yourself, do not isolate yourself, it is very tempting because you don't want others to see you in a stae of unhappiness, but you will get through this a lot easier and faster with people that love you. Reach out to good family and friends. And a very good motto to live by "If you believe you can achieve". Take care and keep being positive and strong.
Hugs and Smiles, Irish
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 August 2005):
 It is hard to say the reason for your boyfriend's departure when he wouldn't even tell you. It could be possible that he wanted freedom and independence as you say but it shouldn't have been at the price of sacrificing his family.
You have the right idea and good, positive thoughts. Indeed move on with your life. Take up some new pursuits and leisure interests; make some new friends. See this episode in your life as a turning point to something better.
I think also you are right to have stopped calling him and there is every chance that he will discover that the grass isn't greener on the other side but only time will tell. Of course you want him to feel bad as he hurt you and his children and perhaps in time, he will realise and come to you for a second chance. Hopefully, by then, you will have a fantastic life that, if you wish, you can flaunt in his face.
I think you will be the last one laughing in this situation. What about his children? He should at least be in contact with them.
Move on with your life and look to the future that is beckoning you. Get out there and have some fun. He will possibly pop up in your life when you aren't expecting it and when your life has taken off. However, if he doesn't, you will have friends and goals as well as achievements to fall back on.
Good luck.
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