A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf's parents don't like me and have made no effort to welcome or include me in their family. The thing is, I think it has more to do with his parents than it does with me. I get the feeling that it doesnt matter who my bf dates, no one would ever be good enough for him in the eyes of his parents. When I first met his parents I said hello, was introduced and said nice to meet you, how are you etc, there response was 'hi' then they turned their faces and bodies away from me and begun a conversation just between the two of them. I felt pretty bad, like as if I was an outcast or something. Since then, they have made no effort to talk to me or to get to know me. They have never even asked the basic questions such as 'what do you do'. My bf always invites me to their family gatherings yet I always just feel so left out. I am not the only person his parents act like this towards. My bf has a sister and she has a bf and they treat him just the same. In fact, it is commonly known throughout their entire family that the sister's bf is not liked at all. The parents reasons for not likeing him are pretty superficial. They admit the reason they do not like him for is because he doesnt have a high paying presigeous job. Yet even if he did have such a job, I doubt that owuld help, because I have a job which is high paying and is "well regarded in society" yet they dont like me. I dont know why they dont like me. My bf denies that they dont like me. Ive spoken to my bf's sister's partner and he feels the same way as me. he gets the same cold and distance outcast feelings as I do. They treat him the same as me. I dont know why they treat him like that because he is a really nice guy. Infact me and him have become quite good friends. Hes such a caring person and its a shame that they cant see how good he is to their daughter. My bf moved to a different town to his parents for work. It is a 6 hour drive, yet his parents still manage to visit him every weekend. Part of me feels maybe his parents are still a bit too attached? Anyway, so because his parents drive all that way each weekend to see him, they expect him to spend all weekend with him. I feel this is putting alot of strain on our relationship because we barely get any quality alone time of just us too. He is expected to spend all friday night at dinner with them, then saturday doing other random family things such as shopping or sports or just going out with his family. Then saturday night he is expected to go out again to dinner with them and when they go out to dinner they stay out till really late. And then sunday he is expected to go out to breakfast with his family then to church, then they usualy go to the beach in the afternoon then he says goodbye to his parents as they leave to go back to their home town. So basically if i want to see my bf on the weekend, it has to be with his family. Usually I wouldnt mind this, but because his parents arent very nice to me, i dont like seeing them. I honestly feel intimidated by them and i go home every night being really upset and just down about myself because i feel like i am not good enough. Any advice on how to deal with this situation? I feel like i am fighting a loosing battle. My bf and i have been together for a year now. And his sister and her bf have been together for 3 years and they still have not accepted him, so why would they eventually accept me? By the way I am 21 years old and my bf is 25. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is not a good situation for you to be in. Eventually you are goiung to snap and start a fight with them. We can only be treated like dirt for so long.
A preemptive strike is in order. You need to sit down with them and ask them straight "why dont you like me"? Dont let your bf answer. If they are just reserved then they might warm up to you.
But if they dont then The real question is how long will you put up with all this nonsense?
A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Sometimes parents can't cope with the loss of their children as they grow up and don't need them so much anymore. They display this by coming up every weekend and the cold shoulder towards the partners of their children.
Imagine yourself as a parent, you raise that child for years of your life then all of a sudden they decide someone else is going to look after them and move out and on with their life. You feel lost and useless as a parent or you hang on to the child as though they're still 5 and in need of your help, you also still act as though you're the person they'll listen to and treat their partner as their friend and not as your son or daughter in law or family because then you don't have to accept they're growing up nd moving on.
Its a horrible situation to be in, but if it is not just you feeling this way they it is not your fault and unlikely that this is going to change anytime soon.
If you're invited to family function, still attend, remain polite and just do the best you can. They will either eventually see that their son has picked someone worthy as a partner and adjust to you and release their jealousy, or they'll continue with the way they're going and you'll have to just learn to accept that his folks just aren't comfortable with other people being involved in what they still see as their family unit.
As long as they're not being nasty, you'll be ok. Take some comfort in the fact that you're not alone and hope that it gets better.
Good luck xx
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