A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I'l get straight to the point,I'v never had a daughter-father relationship with my dad,we never shared,talked about problems,I always soo scared of him cuz he was an abusive father and as a child I heard him shout and raise his hands on my mom,and this happened every day both were very unhappy but sticked for us kids!I'm close to mom but with dad its a very formal relationship,if he enter my room I were sleeping I would sit up and say nothing,but dad gave me everything I ever asked,money etc,but when dad gets angry he tells my mom things like 'one day I'l kill you and your kids',honestly when my mom told me this,it scared the crap out of me,(my dad has never raised his hand on me ever)but is it right for dead to threaten like that?its ok to shout when ur wrong,but saying things like that seems soo unreasonable..slowly I'v begun disliking him,my mom tells me she's very unhappy but she won't leave him..I can't talk to him either cuz at the end of the day I'm just another worker,that's my relationship with him,I'v just become that scared of him!I'v never shared these things with my bf!should I tell him?will he judge me and my family? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 It is human nature to be judgmental. So yes, he will probably form an opinion. The question is, what is the opinion you think he should form? What do you fear will happen?
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (18 February 2013):
 i read this quote once "if he can't handle you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best." i think this applies here.
i would say if your boyfriend judges you and your family because of this, he's not a very good guy in the first place. when you love someone, it hurts very badly to see them in pain. i'm sure he will be crushed to hear how you've grown up and the pain you've endured.
only talk to him and tell him when you're ready. that's something very private and personal. if you've just been dating a week or so, i'd probably say hold off on talking about it for a bit. but if you've been together for a while, and you're comfortable with him, why not? i doubt he'll respond negatively. he just may really dislike your dad.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 The topic of family will come up in conversations. If he asks you about it tell him little by little. Don't scare him with minute details all at once. In dating you will judge, but mostly you will be judged upon how you behave in your relationships. If you don't let your childhood influence your relationships with your men, and you have a good established relationship with your boyfriend, I would not worry too much. It will be hard to reveal personal things like this when you can't gauge his reaction, but it is not some big secret you have to hide forever.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 February 2013):
 I would say that your peculiar relationship with your father IS something that you should reveal to your B/F....
That will serve the purpose of giving your B/F an important bit of information about YOU.... AND will let him know that your "family" (read: "your father") is pretty much off-limits as to having a "normal" relationship with them.....
It needn't be fatal to your's and B/F's relationship.... just puts down the basis for what that is...
Meanwhile, YOU can see how long - and under what circumstances - you can endure your father's terrible behaviour.... AND, hopefully, you can strike out on your own at your first opportunity......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Your mum shouldn't stay for the sake of her children because she needs to understand the affect it's having on you and siblings should you have those also.
You need to let her know this so she can fully understand the affects it's having on not just her but also her children.
Tell your boyfriend he may see your father as someone he may not get along with but that doesn't mean he will judge your family if he does then he isn't worth your time but i would tell him so you have someone else to talk too and perhaps he can be there to support you.
Hope this helps x
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