A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and feel that I care for my older bf. I know that I'm not quite in love with him and yet, he's my "first" and we're happy. The only thing is that I worry about some his behavior. He's sweet, encourages me in everything I pursue, and it's hard for him to deny me anything he thinks I want/need...if I let him, he'd spoil me rotten. We've been together 6months. At times, he's bossy, wants things his way. I comply with a little amusement or jocular rebellion. He'll say something snappy at times and just as quickly kiss and hug me. Once, he closed the laptop on me cause he was annoyed that we couldn't load something. Every time my phone goes off, he says in a weird voice to tell my bfs to stop texting me. Last night, he told me if I had "others" he'd totally kill me. He said this jokingly. I think of his tenderness with me how he stayed with me when I had flu, held me through nightmares I've suffered since little and I feel bad for doubting him. I think:will he become a monster later? Am I seeing warnings?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 September 2010):
I think you are. Behind the sweet, spoiling façade, there is a guy who is actually quite controlling. It's great that he allows you to pursue projects, but to be going on about bf's texting you every time your phone goes off, and to say if there were others he'd 'totally kill you' is just a bit controlling. I suspect he's hugely insecure, but his insecurities are clearly causing him to be controlling. Tread carefully with this guy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): You're not saying much about your side of the relationship. You say you're not quite in love with him and yet you're happy. Do you let him feel that? That could make him insecure, more so than he might admit. Also, how much of a cause does he have to expect other guys to call you? Does that really happen regularly? Do you flirt with other guys? In front of him? I'm not suggesting that you are, but he might possibly asking himself a similar question, "is my girlfriend becoming a monster?" In any case, try bringing your concerns up, in a friendly and non-threatening manner, and see if you can have a good conversation about it.
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