A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a what I feel a lose-lose situation.My boyfriend and I have been together since 2008 but in 2012 had a baby girl In 2013 I moved in with him and his mom we are 23 now so living with her is very difficult she observes how I treat her son and how I take care of our daughter.Our daughter is now 2 1/2 yrs old I've been living here now 2 yrs and 3 months.It's 45min drive from my family so I want to move out and better myself and my daughter but I'm scared of the consequences. The whole time I've been living here I haven't improved in anything but be a better mom and girlfriend. So this is my problem. It's complicated as his mom has been unemployed since I moved in. My bf is the only one working and I have no job, but I'm tired of depending on people, mostly his mom.My bf buys our baby the necessary but never extra like if she wants a toy, purse, shirt...etc. my bf only gives me 20 dollars every 2wks for me and the baby which doesn't help other than me cooking one meal a week. His mom does the cooking which I don't like, because I feel obligated to eat that. Or waiting for food to be cooked. She pleases my bf cravings of food or whatever he wants.He gives his mom 300 dollars to help pay her credit card, but she says it for rent and he wastes his spare money on weed and lotto tickets.While I get 40 bucks month, when my bf mom get mad at him his all kissing ass with me, so than he encourages me to move out. Says that we will get our own place by my parents house, but I can't feel but think he's just trying to get rid of me, because once his mom is happy he all kissing ass to her, and how will he leave his mom with her being unemployed? She expects a lot from him since he's her only child.She expects the world from him that she should be #1 before me and his daughter I'm scared if I move out that my bf and I will break up over him never wanting to leave his mom, or his mom giving him a lot of negative opinions about me.She has said very mean things about me to me, like why don't I cook ? Well her son doesn't give me enough $ Or why don't I do this for the baby ? Etc.. I'm lost in emotions that I don't want nobody feelings hurt I love my bf and just cause I want to move out doesn't mean I don't love him.I just hate the way he acts around his mom and the way his mom is with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): Thank you for everyonr advice you guys have truly open my eyes I know what to do now is move to my parents house & get help for my family so I can be a independent mother for my daughter & not let my bf or his mom control me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Something to consider:
What's to stop his mother from kicking you out of HER house while encouraging HER son to petition for custody of HER granddaughter?
Nothing.
Since you are a legal stranger (no relation by blood, marriage or adoption) who is not paying rent she'd have every right to ask you to leave at any moment, and as a jobless homeless single mother you'd have a hard time convincing any judge that your daughter would be better off living with you in a shelter than with her employed father in her grandmother's home.
As long as you allow yourself to remain dependent on your boyfriend and his mother for the basic necessities of life, the above scenario is always possible.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2015):
 Then you need to find someone else to watch the baby. His mom doesn't seem all that stable as it is. Maybe her watching the baby isn't the best solution either.
YOU need to find a way to get out of that house, have a job and different place to live.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): "I've had a job opportunity but she rejected me to get cause she didn't want to babysit the baby she said she would find a job herself and here we are still jobless."If baby grandma is actively putting up roadblocks to your becoming financially independent then that's all the more reason for you to move out. She wants to keep you under her thumb so she'll continue to have a hold over her son. I'd consult a family law attorney about getting an order of child support once you do move out. That way you'll ensure sperm donor is fulfilling his legal obligation and moral responsibility to support his daughter to the fullest before he can enable his mother and indulge in his habits. Stop playing victim and start standing up for yourself and your daughter. You've already made one bad decision in having a child with a mama's boy loser, don't complicate your poor judgement by continuing to set a bad example for your daughter. Kids are very perceptive, and your daughter's getting to the age where she'll be picking up on the tension and she'll assume your dysfunctional family dynamics are normal and expected behavior. When your daughter is your age do you really want her stuck living with a useless boyfriend in his castrating mother's house while making excuses for why she can't do better by your grandchild? If not, then DO SOMETHING!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I've had a job opportunity but she rejected me to get cause she didn't want to babysit the baby she said she would find a job herself & here we are still jobless.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 June 2015):
I would look into the various programs in your STATE for young mothers (that would INCLUDE housing, schools etc) since you are NOT married you CAN qualify for some of these.
You BF's priority is his mom, then baby, then you. Now I get his mom (sort of) put a roof over your heads, so he SHOULD help her pay for rent/food/utilities, she is after all letting you 3 stay with her.
LOOK into these programs. EVERY STATE has some.
I think NOT moving out will make a break up more likely.
YOU need to Find YOU, and make sure YOU can take care of YOU and the baby. You can't RELY on hand out from your BF.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Apologies if I'm missing something, but why on earth would you even have a child with a mama's boy who was/is still living at home in the first place? "I'm scared if I move out that my bf and I will break up over him never wanting to leave his mom, or his mom giving him a lot of negative opinions about me."You should be scared that if you DON'T move out, then you will break up over something else and you'll really be stuck."I'm lost in emotions that I don't want nobody feelings hurt"To hell with hurt feelings. As a mother it's your responsibility to act in your daughter's best interests, and in this case that means getting away from your useless baby daddy and his controlling mother so you can build a life of your own and become a strong independent woman capable of providing for yourself and your daughter."I love my bf and just cause I want to move out doesn't mean I don't love him."No, it means you love your daughter more. You'd be setting a terrible example for her if you allowed her to remain in such a dysfunctional dynamic. She needs strong, healthy adult role models and not a weak, wishy washy, helpless, dependent mother or a lazy, cheapskate, druggie, gambling, mama's boy sperm donor.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (2 June 2015):
 It's not healthy for you to all be living with his mother. He needs to grow up and fly the nest, so the three of you can be a family unit together. Until you do this, these problems will never go away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): Appologies if I'm missing something here, but if the mum is unemployed and presumably at home most of the time, why can't she watch your daughter so you can go out and earn some money yourself?
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