A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a virgin, but i want to know if it will hurts as much as everyones says if i've used toys before? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 December 2009):
As an approximation, for every girl who says it "hurt like hell", there is one who says it "didn't hurt at all" - and all the others fall somewhere in between. Unless you're drunk or stoned (and I don't recommend EITHER!) you will probably experience mild to moderate discomfort whether you have used toys or not. This is because you'll be quite nervous the first time you have sex.
A lot of the discomfort comes not from rupturing your hymen, but having the vaginal muscles stretched open to receive your partner's erection. You will probably not use a toy on yourself in the same way that he'll penetrate you.
Make SURE he knows you're a virgin. Spend some time - several days, to a few months - working up to penetrative intercourse by doing kissing, fondling, oral sex, etc. Get to the point of being comfortable around him when you're both naked. Teach him how to give you an orgasm, and learn to do the same for him.
When the time comes, both of you should have an orgasm just before you try penetration. It will make you as open, relaxed, and lubricated as you'll ever be - and help him maintain the control he needs to prevent hurting you. Many women say it goes much better with a new partner (whether they themselves are virginal or not) if they get on top of him and guide his penis into their vagina. That helps her find just the right angle, and location, for entry. (Believe it or not, he does NOT know the exact angle or location that's easiest for you, and he certainly can't feel what you're feeling to know when he finds it.) Being on top, you also control the depth and rate.
The article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) is excellent. For the record, I was 23 when I had my first-time. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! Other threads I contributed to include "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): i heard you can break your hymen by using toys if it isn't already broken and you can stretch yourself out a little.
the first time is always gonna hurt and congratulations on staying a virgin.
=].
...............................
|
