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female
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anonymous
writes: Just split up with my boyfriend. Things between us were really intense and special. I'm sick of crying so I'm looking for ways to move on. I'm looking at other guys. There's someone who I was in love with before I started my relationship with the guy I just split up with, but when things with my bf heated up, my love faded away into the background. It's only been 24 hours since we split, but I've seen my love and felt the feelings I had for him as strong as they had been before my bf came onto the scene.I'm not sure if I want a relationship with my love; he's so different to my bf that things wouldn't work for me. I am interested though, I'm just so scared of being hurt yet again. I feel I need someone to take my mind off my bf, but is it too soon? Will he end up being some kind of rebound guy? Help me! I can't think straight.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 January 2006):
 It's not fair to yourself or any guy you might go out with, if you're just "using" his company to keep you from thinking about the hurt in your life, no matter that he might attract you. This other man might be good for you, but your emotions are too raw right now to make such a complex decision about a new relationship. Slow down.
Yes, this is exactly how rebound relationships happen, and they're often unsatisfying for everyone, because on the rebound, you tend to make rash choices.
So rather than leaping straight out of the frying pan and into the fire, why not take some time to reconnect with friends and family? All of us have women friends who are single (or between boyfriends) and like to have fun. Why not let them know that you're free to hang out now. Or be friends with the other guy, without dating, at least for a while.
Since it's also really important to be comfortable with being on your own, you should also give yourself time to learn to enjoy your own company, too, because some of the most attractive people are the ones who like themselves.
In essence, what I'm saying is, "What's the rush?" You don't "need" a boyfriend, although I know you miss your ex's company. Allow yourself as much time as you require to be happy with the new direction in your life, then you'll feel settled enough to start having guys around again.
Take care.
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