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female
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anonymous
writes: I slept with a colleague after the xmas party...bit of a cliche I know. There had been flirting and chemistry between us for a while and it just happened I guess. He has a girlfriend and is now acting really off with me in comparison to before where he was quite flirty. What should I do, should I try and act proffessional and not bring it up again or speak to him about it! I guess the biggest prob is that i really like him.27 (Surrey)
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 January 2006):
 Oh what a horribly awkward situation, but you need to be the grown-up here and confront the situation head on. Obviously you like him, or the situation would never have arisen in the first place and the same goes for him. But he obviously feels very uncomfortable with this so is pretending it hasn't happened as a way to cope. I would suggest that you take him to one side and tell him that whilst you and him had a *thing* it should not be allowed to affect you working relationship and you would like it if he dropped the frosty atmosphere and acted like his old self! You cannot make him like you or take the relationship back in time, but you can help him feel more comfortable around you again. If he realises you are not going to turn into the local *bunny boiler* he will relax and things might get back on track.Obviously you can't MAKE him behave a certain way, but if he is put back at his ease he may come round. Remember tho, he make regret what he did and feel a sense of betrayal towards his girlfriend. If that is the case then this guilt is in the way of anyhting you may desire and nothing you do is going to change the situation at all. Sorry.Good luck x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 January 2006):
 You pretty much have to take your cue from how he's acting, or you're sure to put him off; besides which, it's not very professional to discuss it when he's clearly uncomfortable about it.
My feeling on the matter is probably that he wasn't giving a lot of thought to the repercussions of sleeping with a co-worker, and now he feels (understandably!) guilty for cheating on his girlfriend. Not to mention having to see you every day, and be reminded of his indiscretion.
The best response is going to be following his lead, and pretending it didn't happen. If you have to console yourself about making a poor choice when you slept with him, make it that you probably didn't have a chance with him anyway - since he's already in a relationship - so you haven't lost anything.
One last bit of advice from another woman who's been in your situation: try to remember this the next time you're tempted to sleep with someone you work with...
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