A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering about how age affects relationships. I know that when girls are young (teens to early 20s), they get a LOT of attention from guys. It seems that the girls I want don't want me right now because they have a pretty big selection of guys to choose from. I'm not the best person socially. However, I am really working hard on improving. I am pretty much a geek. I like to spend most of my time studying things, practicing things, and just generally trying to improve myself anyway that I can. I don't really enjoy socializing, so I find it hard to compete with the guys who are always getting the girls.From reading a lot of the posts on here, and generally listening to people in real life, I have this idea that women have a big shift in mindset once they reach their mid 20s and start seeing all their friends get married. I think a lot of them feel the right thing to do is get married and to settle down with the "right" guy.Being the geek that I am, I am working hard to get a good degree and be able to make a lot of money when I start my career. My question is, will I find that women will want me more when I am older, out of university, and working? It's hard to explain, but is there a shift in demand between the sexes as we get older? Do women want geeks more when they get older? Will women want me in the future as much as they want all the pretty boys and smooth talkers now?I really want to be able to get married and have a family one day. I am just worried that I may be too bitter to want marriage by the time I can finally find someone to be mutually in love with.Are there any older geeks on here with good jobs who might be able to share some wisdom on the subject of how age has played a part in your relationships with women?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Oh yes you will become more popular with time. Things start to shift at about 23-26.
But will you still want most of these women later on as they grow up? That is a bigger problem.
A woman who does not hold out for commitment and good treatment will get used to being able to fuck men who are out of her league. A few years later when she wants to hold out for a committed relationship, she doesn't get too excited about settling for a guy who is "only" her equal.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Life will become very interesting, more so than you think it could be...probably more than you will want it to me.
I think most people don't really know what they want, they think they do and they act all sorts of ways, and there is a lot of confusion, and they don't even really know why they act the way they do. Hormones and societal influences drive a lot of this.
Seriously, there are all sorts of women out there, but meeting them and them meeting you can be problematic with all the noise and static in relationships and society.
Women want a guy who is handsome, smart, confident, kind, caring, appreciative, etc, etc, etc. But many of them, if they can't get that, they will settle for a lot less, sometimes just a hard screw with any available guy, who just seems like the right guy, when he is just "right now". Guys are no different on the average.
A lot of women end up dating guys who are first class a-holes because they find out the handsome guy they thought might be all that is not only not so confident, but doesn't really appreciate them, and doesn't care so much for them.
My advice, be the nicest and most confident person you can be. Do as much as you can, meet a lot of people, and treat them all first class, even if they don't treat you that way. Don't be a pushover, but do enjoy meeting new people and being good to them.
I'm older (old enough to be your father and then some) and I might fit your description as a younger man, certainly I wasn't Mr. Flash and Smile although I was athletic and not to damn ugly, was very self confident and certainly successful in school...I was also very poor (frankly broke financially for a long time with school costs and working like a dog) but I clearly had bright prospects.
My problem was that every single woman I even barely got into a relationship with, from the age of 21, seemed to want to get married and have kids "now"...there were no short term relationships, and I broke off dating a couple of people because they barely knew me and thought I was just the cat's meow and seemed to have their lives settled from the first date, and one relationship ended because the woman, who I liked, just was adamant about having sex without protection while we were both in school...both of us and without a clue how we would support a child if we got pregnant and married.
As I got into my mid 20's, I also had a problem with several married women finding me attractive and wanting to get involved (and in at least three of these situations it wasn't vague at all but more like happily wrestling me down and wanting to screw right now, right then and right there).
Which drove me crazy because that wasn't what I wanted, yet all of them were very attractive, and one was definitely very high on the scale of being hot, and at the same time I'd meet other women, single women, who were attractive to me and they wouldn't find me attractive.
I still don't understand the married woman problem of being attracted to me, and it continued even after I was married and had kids, and while at some level it is flattering, it was really not very nice to deal with as they were so tempting and I was alone (and I didn't get involved) because I just didn't want to get into that situation.
Then, along comes another person, my wife was attracted to me, and she was worried that I wouldn't find her attractive...yet she is everything that I could have ever wanted...and remains so.
Go figure!?
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A
female
reader, insecuregirl  +, writes (14 October 2010):
Yes, of course as we get older we become more mature and realize there's more to a guy than being your typical smooth talking "bad guy".
I can't speak for all girls, 'cause I have never gone after the typical "hot" guys. But from what I've seen, yes, we get more mature and we broaden our tastes.
I mean, I like geeks. Truly. I think I'm kind of a geek myself. And I have always, always, ALWAYS liked smart guys. I have never understood girls who go for the "hot" types who can't even spell their names right. I know, that's kind of stereotyping, but you get what I mean.
Not all girls want a "life of the party" guy either. I tend to prefer low key guys, I'm not very social either so I need a guy who understands this too.
I like musicians mostly. Most musicians tend to be "life of the party" guys, so I have to be choosy, but ultimately, I have found guys who're very low key, smart and who share similar interests with me.
I say, go for geeky girls maybe. Try to find girls who have things in common with you. What type of geek are you? Find a girl with similar interests maybe. I mean, bars, clubs or parties are not the only places to meet girls.
And yes, working hard for your degree is definitely a plus. Rest assured that you will find a girl when you least expect it, I was a geeky girl in high school and I felt hopeless and then I met my ex. Now in college I'm still the same and I find most guys dig me because I'm different than most girls.
I know it's harder for guys in that regard because it's typically girls who expect guys to make a move, but trust me a lot of girls like geeks because they're interesting, smart, fun, and sweet and not your typical "ladies man". Plus, most geeks are hot!
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A
female
reader, Dolphingrl1989  +, writes (14 October 2010):
The problem is you are pssng up the good ones.... Guys who flock to women usually means that they are putting out. I'm 21 and I have been engaged to a dork for 4 years. You'll find the one don't worry about iit. you've got plenty of time:)
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