A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just over two years ago, I embarked on what was then an affair with my current boyfriend. We knew each other from work and he had always been flirty with me, he had given me his number a few months before and after discovering he had a wife I backed off. Then later on in the year we ended up becoming friends and eventually that led to us having sex and the more time we spent together the more I wanted us to be together. At this point, I told myself I had to leave before I got hurt and also I knew it was so wrong. Things seemed to work out, well at least for me, as his wife who was also having an affair left him to be with another man. The problem is I now have severe trust issues with him and I am wondering if it is because of how we got together as from that I know he is capable. He swears he only wants to be with me, but then thats what he probably told her too right! I mean to be honest I was probably stupid as I think he probably never would have left her even though he was happy with her, it took her too actually do it. I now end up feeling insecure about girls at work, that maybe he will end up getting with them in the same way that he did to me, and if they were anything like me at that time then they may well do it! It's to the point now where I keep thinking paranoid thoughts about a work friend of mine, like what if she has done that, like I think off the real thoughts that just because she chooses to work from home one day and he is too that they must be together! Trust me, reading it makes me think that is ridiculous, but I don't know how to stop having the thoughts in the first place!Deep down I know what I did was wrong in the beginning and I probably have never forgiven myself for it (some might say I shouldn't), but I hate what this is doing to our relationship. All the other times when I am not going through a shakey patch are amazing and I love him to bits but I really want to stop feeling like this.Any suggestions?xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 You are definitely feeling like this because of how you both met. Off course this is going to put doubt in any girls mind. It is completely normal. As for suggestions on what to do, I really don't have any am afraid, I guess that's the hard part you know he done it once and that is never going to leave your mind. But if he was cheating and she was cheating well then my guess is neither of them where ever really happy in the relationship to begin with, there must have been some serious issues between the two of them.
I guess you just need to try your hardest to put it to the back of your mind. Hopefully the more time you are together the more your trust will grow for him, but just remember to be honest with him about how you are feeling so that he can keep reassuring you.
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