A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello helpers, Recently I am coming to terms that I have been depressed some way for nearly 10 years now. I didn't think I was before I just thought life was naff and I could never be happy. But anyway over the years I have spent time with no ambition, no goals or anything I have just been pondering. It always means I haven't been socialising alot or with lots of people,so my social skills are terrible and it also means my fun with girls has been very very little. I am hoping to get my life sorted somehow now, But I can't help but think will I always regret not having total fun in my 20s? I mean I am 26 now have I wasted my fun years? I know you could say as long as I start living but will this feeling of regret go away. If anyone can advise please do. Thank you
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2014):
 Why should you stop having fun in life because you are 26? Makes no sense. Have fun! Always! Until you die! The idea of being "too old" for this or that is just nonsense. You do what you feel like. If you want to scream your lounges out riding a roller coaster at the age of 56 then do so. That's what my mom does, anyway. She recently became a widow, and she's 52 years old. I've never seen her have this much fun before in her life. She goes swimming, jumping from the dock two meters high, just on a dare. She goes sliding on the snow like she was 5 years old, laughing all the way. She flirts with men, she goes dancing, she lives her life. If my mom at 52 can have fun, then why on earth should you, at 26, sit there and think all the fun is over????
Sorry, I don't get that logic. Go have fun, who's stopping you?! The only thing you will regret later in life is why you thought you couldn't have fun after 26.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2014): Hello Guys I am the poster of this question.
Thank you very much for you kind and helpful words, I know a lot of you guys that give advise on here are very helpful and wise and have dealt with hard issues in the past and overcome them.
yeah I have been working for years but that was another reason I thought I couldn't be so down because I was able to work etc but speaking to Doctors they have confirmed it .
I will use the regret and anger towards myself to push me to getting out of it , I feel something has been lifted of me briefly . thank you again guys
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 IF you WANT to stop regretting it you can. It's like everything else, but most of all.... REGRET is a waste of time. YOU can not change the clock, you can not change the past, so why put ALL that energy into the regret? All it will do is make you MORE miserable. And then you will be WASTING time in the HERE and now and the FUTURE as well as the time you "wasted" in your 20's... See what I'm getting at?
If you still suffer from depression, TALK to your doctor. DO something about it. WISHING you were more this or that will do NOTHING for you.
Figure out WHAT you NEED to do and then START doing it. Small steps. START to socialize, maybe observe more in the beginning, find people who LIKES the same things as you, that way it's easier to find things to share and talk about. That usually leads to talking about other things and so forth.
Don't focus on girls right now, because you aren't going to get any if your attitude reeks of desperation or self pity. That might sound harsh, but that is reality.
Do you work? If you do maybe look into taking some night classes to improve yourself.
Do you life at home or by yourself? If you live at home, maybe find a roommate situation.
The only reason you feel stagnating is because YOU aren't DOING anything.
Decide what you want, figure out how to get it and then go for it.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (19 July 2014):
Dear OP,
I think one day, those feelings might go away.
But first, I think it's natural that you will have to go through a grieving process. Realize what you've lost, what you didn't get but would have needed at that time. This is going to be hard, a sad process. To realize that part of your life didn't go as you hoped, that some months and years of joy just went by.
But you know, as you do an honest evaluation of the last ten years, don't just count the negative. Don't just count everything you didn't get, but also count the small gifts and successes and experiences. These 10 years surely seem to have brought you to a point where you want change, especially in your social life. That's good to know.
By the way.. I don't believe those years have to be "fun years" and the rest will be just not-so-much-fun. I struggled through my early twenties to find out who I am and what I want to do, and I think I truly start to enjoy life now that I'm in my thirties. I know what I want, I can have a job to pay my bills, I know how to solve problems and how to interact with others. I acquired those skills in my twenties, but it was not always fun getting here. Yes, honestly, I have some regret, stupid decisions I made. But those decisions are hardly affecting me anymore, or at least I've learned to cope with it, so I'm not spending much time with the past. I'd say I've forgiven myself.
So, I am optimistic for you, too. Allow for yourself to be sad about what's lost, but don't dwell in that sadness forever. There is hope, there's a lot to win and a lot of fun to be had.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): My young friend, life begins when you decide to live it.
Depression is an illness. If you were clinically diagnosed; you'd know that the symptoms of your illness are the reason you couldn't function as most would in their twenties. It is a debilitating disorder; so if you're being treated and you're under therapy and feel yourself progressing. Don't look back.
Don't create yet another reason to despair. Regret requires energy and a lot of dwelling on the past. You have to move forward and appreciate small blessings. Make a bucket-list, and make it your mission from this point forward to do some of the things you've always wanted to do. Set a goal for yourself, and do your best to accomplish it.
That's all anyone can do. My friend, we all have setbacks in life. I lost a partner that I loved for nearly 30 years to cancer. I put my feelings on hold for nearly 7 years. I finally decided he passed on. I didn't. So now I enjoy life as it comes to me. Travel, get a creative hobby, join a club. Get more education. Give of your time to help people. Take life a step at a time; and fully appreciate any amount of joy it brings. You're still young, and have a lot more years ahead. Enjoy them.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (19 July 2014):
 No you haven't wasted your 'fun' years. Now you are realizing that you want more out of life, coming out of the haze and waking up to yourself. Change of scenery is whats on the horizon. make that happen, whether it be a change of location or a change of job. Only you can do this but now is the time. Everything else will follow because you are feeling it. Good luck.
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