A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I caught my boyfriend looking at internet porn and some of it was illegal. After confronting him and forgiving him, things seem fine.I am able to search his internet history (complete history, including anything he might delete or look at on "private browsing") and I have found NOTHING at all bad in over a year. But I cannot quit checking his history and every time I check, I'm terrified that I will find something horrible.How do I learn to trust him 100%?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): I am the OP.Thank you!!! To the MALE that recognizes that PORN IS NOT HEALTHY!! I haven't watched "Maria's Story" yet, but I will. Thank you for the link.I know I am still not over it. Yes, I have checked his phone and found nothing--but I'm not nearly has phone savvy as I am computer savvy, so I could be missing something. I'm hoping that the fact that he leaves his phone lying around, or in my car (or like right now, charging on the table while he's gone to work) means he's not addicted to his phone and he's not worried if I mess with it ;)He was very, very ashamed of what I found. He admitted that he's looked a porn over the years and that he did get more and more into looking at more and more bizarre things (which, of course, lead me to research porn addiction). I am convinced (by my regular "peeking" into the history of the history) that he is not an addict. Even the stuff I found last year was not "habitual" --he would look a day or two one week and then nothing for several weeks... it was on and off (and, yes, I was able to find EVERYTHING). He was unemployed at the time and had WAAAAY too much time on his hands. I was working 12-14 hour days, so he was home alone a lot.I still feel like I'm being a fool... like maybe he's learned how to hide it better?? But I'm hanging in there because.... I guess I'll go down with this ship...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): As I read through a lot of stories on here about women struggling with they're boyfriends/husband porn problem I really think this video called "Maria's Story - How pornography effected her relationship" would be helpful in helping women realize that pornography isn't healthy. Every exposure to porn just increases your risk for addiction, male or female. Why risk it? This website has a lot of good stuff on this issue: http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/Blog/Blog-Detail/Marias-Story--Pornography-affected-my-relationship/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): I caught my boyfriend of 3 years looking at porn that I considered "extreme".I confronted him after I found it on his computer - so what did he do? He promised to get rid of it all.I checked his history and he had wiped it clean. Instead he moved all his videos into a folder that he labeled "work" with a subtitle "confidential".Well, it wasn't "work" , but all the porn he had promised me he didn't need anymore.Then, one day when we were living together, I told him I'd be home at 7pm. I surprised him by coming in at 530pm and I caught him masturbating to a porn video at my dining room table . That was the end .I'm sorry, but men don't give up porn. They just get smarter about hiding it.You either accept it - or find one who really doesn't watch it for religious reasons.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): If he is around your age then whatever he was looking at will most likely be a long term interest. And unless you have been with him for many years then it probably wasn't 'curiosity' that made him look, because he probably had access to his online 'interest' long before he knew you. If he was watching anything to do with children then i am afraid you will always have to be vigilant if you chose to remain with him. Because sadly getting 'caught' doesn't stop that type of individual. Do you get to check his cell phone too? If not you should. And if what you found did have anything to do with children, please never, ever leave him alone with minors. Ever!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): You caught him a year ago looking at porn online - he doesn't look now. Could be he was curious - millions are and its readily available nowadays.Hes probably embarassed you caught him out. I can completely understand the content disturbed you and maybe him also?
It depends ofcourse on the nature of the illegal stuff but I would be inclined to let it go, stop checking up on him, a years long enough
If it was something you were very uncomfortable with however, I don't think you will ever forget
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A
female
reader, weebooger +, writes (31 July 2011):
 After something like that its hard to get over. I had a simular issues. I checked the history every chance I got worried and thought about it all the time. Only I have no clue how to check deleted history or in private browsing. I still worry and check it from time to time. You need to just stop checking for a while give him a chance to prove himself. It may not be the out come you want but you want but you will fell better just knowing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): Checking for ever a year? You have to decide are you going to trust him or not and then act accordingly.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 Trust has to be earned. Tell him he has to earn it back and continue checking up on him. Keep doing it until one day you realise you don't need to check anymore because you trust him again. He has to endure this now if he wants to keep you.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 his computer might be clean as a whistle but the fact is that you caught him in the past looking at something of a disturbing nature, now that you know what his tastes are you cannot trust him. this is NOT your fault, its his. what you are really asking is 'how do i learn to accept his perverted interests?'
sorry but i don't have an answer to that
x
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