A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever saw the movie Becoming Jane with Anne Hathaway, who plays the role of Jane Austen, the English writer who never got married because she couldn't marry the one she truly loved.Well, I feel just like her. I'm 32 years old and never been kissed or had a Boyfriend. I was raised in a religious family and I'm only child. All my life, I've been considered an ugly duckling who was teased up in school. people say I'm not ugly and that I'm pretty, but I know I'm not beautiful and the main reason I feel that way is because all the guys I've liked they have never liked me. They're haven't been handsome guys but those are the ones I liked or feel for. The one I really felt strongly in love with is married and I've suffered because he doesn't love me back not even to considered me as a mistress. The guys who feel attracted to me are not of my liking. I wish I could find someone who I can feel attracted to and vice versa. Why is this happening? Am I gonna end all alone or should I marry someone I don't feel for just because I don't want to be alone? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): cry, cry, cry. this will help i promise. feel sorry for yourself, curl up in a ball and wish death up on yourself,
now you might think im being crazy, but in acutal fact, this helps. because once you've done all that, you will feel better, if nothing else can come out as an emotion, then dream, dream of somenoe that you love, soon enough you will feel silly, and you might not feel as bad, then stand up, put your chin in the air and repete;
i am beautifull, i havent found anybody yet because no one is good enough for me.
say that again and again and again, how ever many times it takes to work, then GO OUT!!! go see if you can spot someone, with your new found cofidence you will apere better and feel better.
i hope this helps
thanks, x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I can tell you one thing: while you are drooling over an unavailable man (the married man) your eyes are going to be shut for every other man around you.Give some other men a chance. Even if you aren't immediately attracted to them, they might grow on you, and when you fall in love the attraction will be there. Don't tell me you believe in "love at first sight" and that no other man will ever do? As a grown woman I believe you are more mature than that. Love grows with time. If you dont give other men a chance and open up your heart, it wont happen. Flirt a little. Get around some more. You never know on first date how your relationship will be in 20 years! So take a deep breath and just jump into new relationships, no matter how scary they are. Second: you are self pitying. It's not attractive to anyone. You have to love yourself before you can expect others to love you. Every person with some brains knows that looks come second, first comes personality. So no reason to put this off on your looks.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 There is a fine line between settling and having impossible standards.
On the other, if there are some people who fall in love all the time, then perhaps there are also people simply do not fall in love.
It might be time to ask yourself, what it is you really do feel. What is love/attraction.
Why are you constantly attracted ONLY to men who are not available? Is it possible it their unavailability that is the attraction?
Because your impossible love has made it possible for you to actually avoid a real relationship and learning this man of your dreams farts in bed and doesn't put the toilet seat up.
And could it be that the very actions of a men coming on to you, turn you off? Fear of commitment perhaps?
Not saying it is the case, but at 32, it might be time to ask WHY things are the way they are.
And maybe, you are just a person who doesn't want to be with someone else. A confirmed bachelor?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Don't settle for being someone's mistress and don't settle for some guy you don't love.
Just because the guy didn't reciprocate your feelings doesn't mean you're inadequate... it means that either he didn't realize your worth, or the chemistry wasn't there. Nothing wrong with you.
I'm a little bit younger than you, but in a similar situation. I just try to make the most of my single status now. It sucks a lot to feel lonely, like the last leaf on the tree, but you have to remember that once you settled down, it's expected to be permanent. I would take advantage of this time and use it to enjoy the things that will be difficult to enjoy once you're tied down to someone. Travel, for example, see the world. Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): I'm in kinda the same boat, but a bit older. I've had very few girlfriends and am pretty inexperienced. I don't really know why that is. I guess it's because I've never made much of an effort, believing (stupidly) that it would just sort of happen naturally. That's the way it seems to happen for everyone else. It seems effortless. I aslo haven't had the best luck.I've been very attracted to many women but they've never liked me. There have been women who have wanted me but who I haven't liked. It's not easy to live with the loneliness and the fear that you might be alone forever but the last thing I would do is marry someone I don't even like just to keep from being alone. I mean that would be the last thing I need! I don't know why some people find this sort of thing difficult. I doubt you're ugly and I certainly don't think I'm ugly. Nor do I think I have unrealistic standards. But I think what you and I need to do is try very hard to get out there and broaden our horizons a bit. Meet people. Socialise. I don't know how to go about it exactly, so if you get any ideas let me know. But I think that's a better plan than settling and marrying someone you don't like. And becoming financially tied to them. And having a couple of children you don't want with them... and all that. *shudders*
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