A
female
age
41-50,
*retia2009
writes:Dear cupid, I've been single for three years now and I never have time to go out and meet anyone. I have four kids but I'm lonely . I just want to meet a nice guy that I can go out with like to the movies,or out to eat or the mall. Will I ever meet mr.right or will I be single forever? And the guy that I want to be with is my beat friend from 20 years ago but is long distance.
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female
reader, cretia2009 +, writes (15 April 2015):
cretia2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everybody for your advice it really helped me out!!!??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2015): You have already given your reasons why you will never meet anyone. You claim you don't have time. You use having kids as a reason not to be actively-seeking companionship. Well, if no one knows you're available, and you're not visible to the public; you will not meet men. Because you don't have the time. I don't mean just at work. That's a controlled and closed-environment. I never date where I work. Too much potential gossip and drama.
Sometimes you have to call-in a favor from a relative or close-friend. You have to make arrangements for someone to watch your children; so you can participate in activities for YOURSELF. Dating being one of them. Take golf-lessons, learn to appreciate sports, and go get your body fit. Yes, I went there. Men have a wide selection of women to choose from. They notice the fit ladies first. There, I said it. It's a reality you'll have to face, and that's the way it is nowadays. Don't pretend you'd date any sloppy-looking unshaven dude; because you care about his self-esteem being hurt by your rejection. Lets be real, girlfriend. You want to present the best you can find to your family, and for yourself.
You want to draw attention to yourself. Look good, be confident, dress to impress; and find every excuse in the book to get out in public. If only to take walks in the park, jog, ride a bicycle, walk your dog, or just do yard work. Stop blaming your absence from civilization on your children. You didn't say so, but the implication is there.
Yes, you have to take care of them. You have to take care of yourself as well. You're lonely. You deserve love and affection. You need exposure in several different ways.
Divorced single-men rarely have the issue of having to find someone to watch the kids. Unwed-fathers just freely float about unencumbered by their parental-responsibilities. Dating whenever they please. Their kids are usually living with their mothers. Well, if you have a father for your children; perhaps you need to increase his involvement in parenting them. While you do some things to enhance your visibility, appearance, and availability on the dating-scene. I bet he has a girlfriend! This is the area where many ladies wish they didn't cause baby-mama-drama for their exes, or at least keep enough peace to promote decent relationships between the kids and their dads. If this is holding you back, you have work to do.
You can't just flag men down randomly, you have a family and your reputation as a mother to protect. So you have to adapt your search to suit your single-working-mother situation. Make time for YOU! Go bowling, get out and have some fun. Time to time, get a makeover. Just to boost your self-esteem and confidence. Even if you must ask a friend to do it. Who doesn't know a hairdresser or someone who knows how to do makeup? You live in a bubble if you don't!
Burst it!
It will be a challenge to find someone willing to take on a ready-made family. You must understand, it is tough for single-people of both genders; who are looking for companionship. Even if they don't have kids.
People nowadays turn to online-dating. Either as a first or last resort. Maybe to supplement what they do in real-time.
Very often you find single-people on the internet are usually unrealistic about what they're looking for. They have preconceived dream-dates burned into their brains, and most have lost touch with reality. Not to be disillusioned or disheartened by that. There is still the advantage of having accessibility to a very large selection of single and available-men online. Some have kids, and can relate to your situation. It may be a long-time before anyone messages your profile. Nobody said dating will be easy; no matter how you go about it. The world is heavily-populated; but we survive by our attitudes toward life and the cards we're dealt. We made most of the choices that brought us where we are now.
You have to have patience. The cherry-picking process of finding companionship is tedious, frustrating, and at times maddening. Keeping a positive-attitude and a joyful spirit enhances your attraction. Single-men avoid gloomy or desperate-looking single-women. So make sure you have a pleasant expression on your face when you're out in public. You're a female, and you're always being checked-out by a guy. Always! Don't let your age, body-type, or the fact you have kids mislead you into thinking you're nobody's ideal female. Your attitude is a projection of your personality; and your pessimism is visible to the naked-eye.
When you decide to become proactive in making yourself visible and available, you increase your chances of making romantic-connections. Honestly, what suggestions can anyone make here that you don't already know; or haven't already tried?
Just keep looking and change your attitude. A little prayer won't hurt either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2015):
 I think it depends on a LOT of things.
1. the age of your kids. If they are younger, it CAN be harder to find someone who want to date a single mom of 4. You may NOT be able to prioritize a date as much with 4 younger kids. At least not as much as a DATE might WANT to be prioritized.
2. The method of meeting people. You might try online dating, if you are serious about this.
3. Time. Do you actually HAVE to time it takes to date?
4. YOU are WANTING one guy who lives far away, which in a sense MAKES you unavailable to a guy who could live right next door. I mean, would you WANT to date a guy who was pining for some lady in Peru? Is there ANY chance of making ANYTHING happen with this friend? OR is he married and thus OFF the market, or financially you two can't make a move with 4 kids?
My BIL have been dating online the last 3 years - many of these ladies have kids, some grown, some younger and it never seemed like it was a problem. A couple didn't really "work" out but they have instead become friends of a sort. They go out to dinner, lunch from time to time. He is now dating a (as far as I can see) very nice lady, she has 3 children (all over 18) ( he has 4, all over 18) so it's NOT about the kids, it's about the two of them.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 April 2015):
 With 4 kids I am afraid time will be very limited. If they go to sleep at 9 maybe you can catch a late night movie but I don't know about eating and going shopping. Is your mom able to help you with babysitting? I understand why you would connect with your best friend that you knew long time ago. Friends are lest likely to judge you and you can Skype with him without the hassle of thinking about babysitting and transportation. It gives you a false sense that you have someone in your life but you want more in the physical sense.
I once had a brief affair with a single dad with 4 kids. I felt sorry for him. I understood getting a babysitter was impossible, but he invited me and my son to stay overnight and the kids could play xbox. We barely knew each other but we both extended trust to each other, and took risk because otherwise nothing would happen. But at the end it didn't go anywhere because he was not officially divorced and he was scared. He dropped off contact and that was it. If he wasn't being flaky I would have considered him long term.
My story was just to show you that there are single dads in the same shoes as you. I also knew other people who do family dates together. 2 adults and a bunch of kids would be too expensive for movie dates, but you sure can do picnic and playgrounds together.
For you to do the traditional dating ritual thing, you have to wait until all your kids are old enough. Right now you can find single dads who are like you, and be mutual support, and your kids get to have playmates too.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (14 April 2015):
 Hi cretia2009,First of all there is no such thing as Mr.Right...There is Mr. What's best for you. Men are not like shoes that fit just right. Relationships are like tough leather shoes that have to be worn for awhile to break them in, so that they fit right.I see two problems..."I never have time to go out and meet anyone."...So are you waiting for the guy to come to your house on his own and meet you? Time for a babysitter.., or have people over to your place for a little get together, kids and all.You also seem to be waiting for your best friend to see you in the same way. That may not happen, or may not work out due to your long years of friendship. Every day you waste waiting for chance with him, is a day wasted with someone close to home.A relationship is like a job. No one comes to your house and offers you a really good job. You have to get dress, go out and get one...in other words...it takes work to get work.Take your kids to the park, to events, movies, and so on. Men are all over place, and looking for a woman with great smile, and uplifting personality. Leave that "I am lonely" face at home. In fact, throw it in the garbage. You have been through hell four times giving birth. You should be smiling like a school at prom. :)
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