A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a nice guy for 4 months now. I really have a lot of feelings for him and we have a great connection. There is a big issue though. He got out of a serious 7 year relationship about 6 months before we met. I knew about this from the beginning but I was concerned because no matter how much I like someone, I don't want to be a rebound girl, I have gone through that before. He told me he was ready to move on as the relationship with them was over before it was actually over, meaning he loved her but stopped being in love with her months before it ended, according to him. I understand this, but the way he spoke about her during our talks makes me feel like he's not actually over her. He speaks very highly of her and has said she's a very special person in his life. I saw on social media that a couple of months ago he said that nobody could ever replace her. I know that they are in contact from time to time but I don't think there's anything romantically going on. I just feel conflicted about if I should stay or not. A part of me feels like I could never measure up to her in his eyes. I really like him, but I don't want to get hurt. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2016): You be you. Don't try and compare yourself to her. He's dating you for a reason.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (31 May 2016):
 IF she was so irreplaceable, he could have stayed and worked on his relationship with her? He stopped “being in love” with her is such a weak excuse… months before it ended. IT TAKES YEARS not months!
What do you think he’s likely to do when he stops ‘being in love’ with you – QUIT after another 7 years? I think he’s immature with his expectations regarding Love and loving someone in a relationship. Love evolves through the years; it’s not a fairy-tale happily ever after… it takes a lot of effort.
Even though you are the rebound girl, because let’s face it, who gets over 7 years within 2-6 months? He’s definitely not emotionally ready for another commitment… Physical yes he’s ready to replace her side of the bed with you.
You could however hang in there and see how it grows between you and still get hurt in the end… IF you keep measuring yourself up to her and he continues to compare her to you.
It’s OK to have a soft spot or compliment an Ex that wasn’t all bad; goodness knows I have esteem for my Ex too. However I’d suggest your BF lay off the contact especially when it was he who fell out of love in the first place… it says; he’s not over her!
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 he's right no one can replace her why try?
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A
female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 You don't have to measure up to this ex. Be the best person you can be. He has memories with the ex, they're good friends. People have special friends. He's chosen you over his ex. Something about his old relationship didn't work out. Be it a trait the ex has or something else. You should be thankful you're different to his ex. Matching up to her would mean you would be single eventually. Work on being happy and bonding with your boyfriend.To hate on his ex would be mean if she did nothing wrong. They fell in love for a reason, right? 'The replace part' could be friendship... Don't let it eat you up. Ask your Boyfriend what he means. If he cares for you he'd let you know. Goodluck with your relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 May 2016):
 "No one can replace her" does not mean she is the best, and always will be. It means no one resembles her, and everyone is unique in her own way. So it helps him move on that he would not look for a replica of his ex.
Not everyone speaks lowly of their exes. Relationships can end amicably without drama.
That being said, I am not so convinced about his reason of ending the relationship. He still loves her but wasn't in love with her. What, does he expect that in a perfect relationship, people stay in the in love stage forever?
If their reason is that their incompatibilities caused them to fall out of love, that's more acceptable than thinking that he should just move on because the spark is gone.
Even if the ex was perfect, what hope is there, that he will just move on like that? Pretty convenient for him to just up and leave, but if there's children involved it won't be fair.
After the second month of your dating, he really shouldn't be writing about his ex. Instead he should be excited about his new life. It could be that dating you made him think about his ex and he's a little bit guilty about dating you so soon. So his comment about no one being able to replace her is a respectful tribute to his last relationship.
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