A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for a couple of months now after being friends for around a year. She's a really nice girl and couldn't do more for me, however I don't seem to be able to get over the fact she has such a large backlog of ex-partners. She's slept with 29 other men. Just today we were watching a film and she told me she'd seen it before, with an ex. And that instantly put me in a rubbish mood. The other thing is our sex life, it seems I make all the effort and she just takes it... I can't help but think did she enjoy it more with te others. Will I ever be able to get over this? Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2014): I find that high previous partner numbers and selfish or uninterested lovers have a strong correlation.
But its not PC to suggest that a casual sex history might be a strike against dating someone.
A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 Have a heart-to-heart chat with her about your feelings, especially her poor sexual response. Does she look sober or confident when talking about her 29 exes? Tell her you don't feel comfortable about her mentioning them.
If ,in spite of this, you still feel like breaking up,please let her go. A broken courtship is better than a bad marriage. She will learn not to mention more than 5 exes in her next relationship.
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A
female
reader, ImissFuturama  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 The main issue here is that she's being a selfish lover. Discuss this issue with her first. Tell her you feel you go the extra mile to please her, but you yourself are feeling a bit unsatisfied. She may have been this way with other guys too, you never know. How do you know she enjoyed it more with them? Did she say that? If not, then it's just you assuming the worst.
The other thing you need to tell her is not to bring up her exes anymore. She should understand why this hurts you, and stop. That SHOULD help you get over it. If not, then you may have to find a new girlfriend who hasn't had many partners. Otherwise it'll always be in the back of your mind, and you'll never truly be happy with her, no matter what a great person she is.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 I think I lost track of my number. It's under 20 but having an exact count 29 means she remembers all of them. Some young girls don't feel ashamed or embarrassed by the number. She may feel that her number proves that she is desired, or she thinks that honesty is the way to relationships. It is dumb, and to tell you she saw a film with an ex was just dumb. There is a big chance that you are not the best or the biggest, but there is a size and girth I am satisfied with. Being the correct size is more important than being the biggest. As long as you can last long enough and care about her pleasure that's all matters. The only thing you can do is the best lover you could be.
Men over think their performance issue. Now to her, 29 partners may mean that she's had drunken parties or being molested before. When a person has been violated it changes the attitude towards sex and may make him/her more promiscuous. Is her partying lifestyle still continuing if there's any? Are there exes she is still friends with? Does she live in a part of town where everyone gossips? Are you going to run into guys she hooked up with? I think these are more important questions. These are things that keep reminding you the problem.
You came up here because the film thing triggered you these uneasy feelings. Will there be more things like these coming up? You can tell her you no longer wish to hear about exes, and the truth that you find it hard to handle that number, in case she wonders why sometimes you are distant and feel anxiety performing.
In the future just date a more balanced girl, probably introverted and never ask questions about how many she'd been with.
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